Congrats! Your little bundle of joy has arrived!
it seems like almost everything that you and your partner do and think about is about the baby (let’s have a moment of silence for the moms with multiples). With so much talking and thinking about your baby, I bet the last thing on your mind is sex, right? Well, believe it or not, sex after having a baby is the last thing many new parents think about, but a healthy sex life is very important to your relationship. These next few steps are to help you bring the steam back in your relationship after having a baby.
Let’s Get Real About Post Par-tum Depression
Before delving into adjusting your love life, we must first discuss your possible feelings. A new baby can trigger so many beautiful emotions such as excitement, pride, and joy! Often times, however, many new mommies don’t expect to feel the other emotions that can come along with having a new baby- fear, anxiety…and even depression. Due to being confused and ashamed of these feelings, many mothers keep their feelings to themselves.
So, What causes postpartum depression? Postpartum depression does not have a single cause, but likely results from a combination of physical and emotional factors. Here’s the science behind it: After childbirth, the levels of hormones (estrogen and progesterone) in a woman’s body quickly drop. This leads to chemical changes in a female’s brain that may trigger mood swings. In addition, many mothers are unable to get the rest they need to fully recover from giving birth. Constant sleep deprivation can lead to physical discomfort and exhaustion, which can contribute to the symptoms of postpartum depression.
With all of these overwhelming feelings, it’s easy to understand why the very last thing on a new mother’s mind is her intimate life. Just to be clear, just because a new mother hasn’t been focused on her love life recently and just because she feels as if she has lost her “mojo”, doesn’t mean that she is experiencing postpartum depression. Postpartum depression is only one of the common reasons that mothers lose interest or are unhappy after having a baby. As always, consult a professional for a proper diagnosis.
With a new baby in the picture, sex can drop a few notches on the priority list. In addition to the new responsibilities of having a newborn and simply being exhausted, delivering a baby can leave you more sore than a professional athlete, more dry than the desert.. ( but hey! cut yourself some slack. For the past 9 months, you’ve been eating for two…right?
Get Out of Bed!
No, really.. get your love making out of your bed! Take it somewhere else..You’ve got to get creative! Think beyond your bedroom. Be spontaneous. Chances are, as the mother of a newborn, these days, when you’re in your bed, all you really want to do is sleep. Imagine how easy it’d be to plan for sex with your partner, only to fall right asleep as soon as you get in bed. Consider the car, consider the laundry room, the kitchen, the shower, maybe even a balcony. Many people experience the thrill of sex while being outside.
Date Your Partner
Remember when the two of you went on dates? Remember when you’d spend countless hours alone, enjoying one another’s company? While you can’t exactly take impromptu trips or spend hours in bed like you did before the baby, there are still fun and exciting ways to rekindle your love life.
Find a babysitter.
It may be difficult to trust someone to be alone and care for your baby, so, consider a close friend or a parent. Remember that you are not only a mother. Yes, your role of being a mother is important and yes, your baby has many needs that only you can fulfill…but you have needs as well. You must fulfill your relationship’s needs for your own sanity and happiness. Your child deserves a happy, sane mom.
Couples who spend uninterrupted time together at least once a week have better communication, higher sexual satisfaction, and stronger feelings of commitment than couples who don’t, according to “The Date Night Opportunity” report from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia.
Remember, date nights don’t have to be expensive! They can be anywhere and you can plan anything, as long as you’ll be enjoying yourself and spending quality with your beau.
There are so many ways get physical with your partner besides having sex–so why not start slow? Get physical with your partner. Kiss your partner, tickle your partner, cuddle. Be opened to writing each other sweet messages. Participate in physical, sensual activities that you and your partner both enjoy. These activities can comfortably coerce you into eventually being sexual with your partner.
Talk to Your Partner
One of the worst things you could do in a relationship is to not communicate. Get real with your partner. Tell your partner how you’re feeling and why you haven’t been so sexual and maybe, emotionally involved as you you once were. Your body just carried a child for nine months and delivered it into this world–this comes with physical and emotional changes. Many women feel less attractive shortly after having children. Communicate that to your partner. Open, honest communication can always strengthen a relationships.
Better communication can create better sex. And it can really improve other aspects of your relationship. Talk and watch things becoming better in the bedroom.
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At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.