July 2020

You love your partner and you are committed to them, but you have unresolved issues that you’ve tried many times to fix. You now understand that these issues can’t be resolved on your own and you need professional help, but whenever you mention getting therapy to your partner, they feel uneasy, stall, laugh it off, get frustrated, indecisive, and even downplay the need for it.

What can be done if your love won’t see a therapist with you? The answer to that is as broad as the different groups of people that seek therapy. There’s no one size fits all strategy, but for starters, keep these points in mind.

When we see a loved one struggling, we want to intervene and help, but constantly bringing up therapy can be translated as nagging and complaining. This can make your partner frustrated and less willing to go to therapy.

No matter how strong your desire & will are for your partner to change, you must remember that people don’t change unless they want to. This doesn’t mean that you should never ask your partner why they won’t go. It’s okay to ask your partner of his or her concerns about seeing a therapist.

The idea of seeing a therapist can be intimidating and create anxiety. Your partner could have had a bad experience with a therapist in the past, they could be uncomfortable sharing their problems and personal business with a stranger. He/She could have a fear of being judged, feeling exposed, blamed, and feeling vulnerable in front of a therapist. Your partner could even fear you and the therapist “ganging up” on him/her. Your partner may also feel inadequate. Being confronted about going to marriage counseling could make your partner feel like they’ve failed in the marriage and in making you happy. The feeling of inadequacy and failure could be another thing keeping your partner from going to therapy. Your partner could also not want to go to therapy because they “don’t think it’s that bad”. Many people see couple’s therapy as a last resort to save relationships. Your partner might not consider the relationship issues to be as significant as you.

Even if you don’t agree with them, your partner’s fears and concerns are valid. Your partner has their way of coping which could be different from yours. Have compassion and understanding for him/her.
Let your partner know your goal is not to make them look bad or tear them apart, but to be happier and make your marriage stronger. Relationships don’t have to be in grave danger for partners to want to try couples therapy. Tell your partner that even if you’re not on the verge of divorce, you can still see a counselor for a little tune-up and management.
Explain to your partner how you feel about them not wanting to go to therapy. Many emotions may arise from this situation. You may feel rejected. You may feel like your partner doesn’t care or love you enough. Whatever your emotions may be, carefully express & explain them to your partner. Your partner seeing how his/her decisions affect you could be the wake-up call needed to finally make the change. You may find that the reason for your partner not going to therapy has nothing to do with their love and care for you and has more to do with personal issues they’re struggling with.

If your partner won’t see a therapist with you, you should still go. Your relationship can still change for the better. Individual therapy for your relationship is better than no therapy at all for your relationship. One person can effect positive change.
Individual therapy allows you to share your concerns without having to censor yourself to not hurt your partner’s feelings. It can also provide a safe venting space, which we all need sometimes.

Even if your partner won’t go to therapy with you, share your experience when you get home. Tell your partner what you and the therapist discussed, what you learned, what activities/exercises you did, and how you felt in this nonjudgemental, safe space. As you change for the better (which is likely), share that positive change with your partner and don’t resent them for not going with you. The insights you share and the positive change they see in you might just convince them to go.

Consider yourself a trailblazer for your relationship by taking the first step to getting help. You are leading by example and possibly making the idea of seeking therapy normal and less frightening to your spouse.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Your Perspective is Valuable

No matter who you are, you can provide value. From your life experiences, you have a different perspective to share and a unique story to tell. Your journey through life has been anything but easy. The challenges you faced and overcame, the life lessons you’ve been taught, the wisdom that you have gained are all valuable and should be shared with the world. Your unique experiences and perspective can be utilized to help and positively influence others. Do not be silent.

Your Love is Valuable

Choosing to share your love could provide so much happiness to so many and in turn, the love you share can make you happy. The love we have for our friends and family can be motivating and can make each day worth living.
From the way you hug, kiss, smile, to the way you form your words to speak to someone you love…it’s all special, valuable, and needed. The way you love is unique because you are unique. Do not hold back on showing love.

Your Help is Valuable

Everyone in life needs help and support. Sometimes we need inspiration. Sometimes we need someone to believe in us. You can be that positive light and helping hand. Helping others is like a continuous circle- you inspire and feel inspired, you help others and suddenly you aren’t as focused on your own problems, and you feel valued, needed, and important.
Even if you don’t have money to offer, your time, suggestions, encouragement, and your listening ear are all valuable. You really can make the world a better place by helping people. Do not be afraid to reach out a helping hand.

Your Skills Are Valuable

Teaching others can provide fulfillment. By teaching your skills to someone else, you can pass on your knowledge and expertise. Mentoring, teaching, and inspiring others not only helps you explore/improve your skillset in a different light, but it can also provide meaning and depth to our lives. Your contribution is important no matter how small or large. Do not hesitate to pass on your knowledge and skillset to future generations.

Everyone is valuable. We all have skills, talents, and unique perspectives to bring to the table. Each person is different but just as important as the next. So, value your neighbor, but also remember how valuable you are. Of the billions of people in this world, no one is exactly like you. This is your power. Embrace it and use it.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

There are many stigmas surrounding seeking therapy. One stigma is that seeking therapy makes you weak or that “crazy” people go to therapy. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Seeking therapy takes tremendous strength, bravery, and courage.
Many people were raised to be self-reliant. In fact, our society praises being self-made and independent, needing no one else’s help to reach our goals, but the antisocial, independent façade our society praises isn’t realistic for genuine happiness and success. We need one another…especially in distress. The ability to reach out your hand for help while in distress is why seeking therapy is actually such a strong thing to do…and if you’re even considering it, you should be proud of yourself.

We don’t expect people to push through diabetes, cancer, or heart issues, so why do we expect others (and ourselves) to push through mental disorders such as depression, anxiety,  phobias, addiction, or PTSD? Seeking help for mental illness is just as crucial as seeking help for physical illness.

There’s an assumption that only “crazy” people go to therapy, when in actuality, the impetus for therapy is as diverse as the individuals who seek it. Therapy sessions are filled with people dealing with challenging life transitions such as family and parenting issues, work stress, divorce, health challenges, relocation, and people dealing with grief, abuse, or just needing someone to talk to. Therapy is for everyone.

Seeking help is never something to be ashamed of, but rather an important step toward overcoming challenges and improving your quality of life. Do not sabotage yourself by staying quiet. Confidently seek the help you need and congratulate yourself and anyone else that chooses therapy.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.