People pleasing may not sound all that bad. After all, what’s so bad about being nice, right? At first glance, people pleasing may seem harmless, but it’s a very detrimental habit that erodes one’s happiness overtime.
Could you or someone you know be a people pleaser? Below are the classic signs.
⦁ You need others to like/praise you.
⦁ You worry about rejection.
⦁ You have a strong desire to be needed.
⦁ You depend on validation.
⦁ The constant validation makes you feel needed and useful.
⦁ A lot of your self-worth rests on what others think about you.
⦁ Though you don’t often boast, you need to be showered with compliments.
You Can’t Say No
⦁ If you ever say no, it’s rare and very difficult.
⦁ You feel guilty for saying no.
⦁ When you say yes and actually follow through, you grieve going or doing the task…or you later fake a catastrophe to get out of your commitments.
⦁ You often find yourself exacerbated from taking on too many tasks at work, and committing to too many responsibilities in your personal life.
⦁ You’re constantly stressed.
⦁ You worry that people won’t like you if you say no.
You Immediately Agree, Even When You Don’t Really Agree.
⦁ You agree to the opinions and choices of others in efforts to make them like you.
⦁ Even when you want to speak up for yourself, you are too nervous.
⦁ You appear as an easy-going, laid-back person.
⦁ Your boundaries aren’t clear and enforced.
⦁ You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.
You Morph to Reflect The People Around You.
⦁ You constantly morph into matching the behaviors, personalities, and expectations of others.
⦁ Morphing has become such a habit that sometimes, you don’t even know what you want or how you feel.
⦁ You struggle with your identity.
You Constantly Apologize
⦁ You apologize even if you aren’t at fault.
⦁ Sometimes you excessively blame yourself and other times, you fear other people blame you.
⦁ You feel uncomfortable when others apologize to you. You even overcompensate after they apologize.
You Feel Responsible For the Feelings of Others.
⦁ You constantly involve yourself involve in other people’s feelings.
⦁ Empathy overload is a common feeling for you.
⦁ You depend on others to boost your self-esteem.
⦁ Your self worth depends on validation.
⦁ You feel lonely when you aren’t receiving attention.
You Struggle With Voicing Your Own Opinion
⦁ Even when your feelings are hurt, you find it difficult to speak up about it.
⦁ Overtime, this results in you becoming passive aggressive.
⦁ You allow other people to make the decisions rather than offering your personal preferences.
While being a reliable, well-rounded friend, family member, or employee is important, it’s equally as important to be aware of and express how you feel and what you think. You should come first in your own life. You can never truly reach your full potential or remain genuinely happy if your self-worth is connected to other people’s opinions and if you don’t acknowledge your own feelings and thoughts.
The habit of people pleasing may take some time to break. That’s because it usually takes years to form, however, just like any other habit, it can be broken.
Stay tuned for our next topic, “How to Break Free From People-Pleasing”.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.