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May 2018

How to Know if Your Relationship is Built on Codependency

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The honeymoon stage of your relationship is filled with constant text messages, date nights galore and your new interest never seems to leave your mind. This is pretty normal and should not be mistaken for codependency. You both are just excited to get to know one another and enjoy each other’s presence.

Codependent relationships can be identified in two ways:

  1. When one person seeks the approval of their partner to feel valuable.
  2. When two people with unhealthy traits or habits become worse

Both of these definitions lack a sense of individuality because one or both people in the relationship are too dependent on the other for unhealthy reasons. There are several signs of codependency depending on what an individual is lacking in their life. There can also be a strong sense of control in the relationship that leads one person to feel as if they can’t function or won’t be as good without the other person. Let’s take a look at a few of the more prominent signs that indicate codependency in relationships.

Signs of Codependency

  • Substance Abuse: A husband/wife enabling alcoholism
  • Physical/Emotional/Verbal Abuse: A husband/wife struggling to leave an abusive relationship
  • Fear of loneliness if you leave a relationship
  • Staying together for reasons other than love, like children or finances
  • Sacrificing your happiness/needs for your partner’s
  • Inability to say ‘no’ to your partner
  • A feeling of entrapment in a relationship
  • Your self-worth depends on how your partner feels or thinks about you
  • Lacking identity without the other person around
  • Not being able to temporarily part with your significant other (girl/guys night, work trips, etc.)

How to Stop Codependency

Before you can fix a problem, you need to identify where it lies. Think about when you’re having these emotions of codependency and what triggers it. Different events in your childhood or early adulthood can set you up for codependency in friendships and romantic relationship later on in your life. Identifying these experiences can help you to take the steps you need to heal and feel more secure in yourself as an individual.

In order to do so, I would strongly encourage the help of a mental health professional. A therapist can help guide you through your thoughts and emotions and pinpoint the root of your codependency. This will help you know exactly what you and your partner need to do to get rid of codependency in your relationship.

Going through a rough patch in your relationship that seems like it’s never going to end? These tips should help you both see the light at the end of the tunnel.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose.

If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Book your complimentary initial consultation.

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4 Aspects Of Your Relationship You Both Must Agree on For Marriage to Work

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Marriage is all about compromise. If you had a nickel, right?

But you know what, it’s true. No relationship can work if compromise isn’t involved. We all come from different backgrounds, experiences and environments, which shapes us into different people. So regardless of if you’re in an ‘opposites attract’ type of relationship or a ‘one-in-the-same’ kind of partnership, there will be disagreements. But there are four very specific topics you’ll both have to find common ground on for your relationship to work long-term.

It’s important that you both have discussions about all of these aspects of your relationship to set up a solid, unified foundation. Avoidance of these discussions can lead to many future fights, separation or even divorce, which we definitely want to avoid.

Goals

You both can have different goals of course, but as a couple, it’s important that you have shared goals that you’re working towards together. These goals can include major life decisions like children, possible relocation and financial stability. Having these common goals established early on will save you from bickering matches and can even reveal whether you’re really meant for one another. Setting short term and long term goals gets you both excited for your future and give you something to work towards together. And think about the major celebrating you’ll do when you knock them out one by one!

Understanding what your partner needs to feel pleasured and appreciated in the bedroom is essential.

Sex

How often will you have sex?

What type of sex will you have?

What aren’t you comfortable with in the bedroom?

Sex is a major part of your marriage so these questions are more important than lots of people think. You both can talk about what’s on the table, what could be on the table and what’s definitely off the table in terms of your sex life. Understanding what your partner needs to feel pleasured and appreciated in the bedroom is essential. But if you’re not comfortable with something he/she wants you to do and vice versa, this can welcome resentment into your relationship.

Parenting

There are many couples that grow up with completely different parenting styles, but that doesn’t mean they can’t form one of their own. Open the discussion about how many kids you want to have and how you plan on disciplining or not discipline them. Do you want to lead a ‘do as I say and that final’ household? Will kids be able to have input with your final say? Will they be free spirits with very few limitations? Kids can pick up on these disagreements, so it’s important that you both not only present a united front but also create a solid front you both agree on.

Money

How you both handle money can make or break your relationship. When discussing your goals, remember to carve out some time for finances. If one of you handles money and saving better than the other, that person should probably take charge of the bills and savings accounts. Even if you decide to have separate accounts in addition to your joint account, I won’t advise hold secret accounts from your partner. Not only is this a major lie in your relationship but if he/she also finds out, trust in your relationship can take a major blow. Be open and honest about how you want to spend money, how much you’re willing to spend to spoil yourselves and how much you’re saving.

Another great way to know if you and your partner are meant to be? Find out what your first vacation together can reveal about one another.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose.

If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Book your complimentary initial consultation.

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Overcoming a Relationship Rough Patch Without Separating and Affecting the Kids

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I’m sorry to say, but cheating scandals and major secrets aren’t the only events that can shake a relationship to its core. You both can wake up one day and realize, “we’re not vibing and we haven’t been for a while now.” This doesn’t have to be the sign of the end. In fact, it’s normal for long-term relationships to go through occasional rough patches.

Think about it—cohabitating is already major commitment and requires lots of compromises. But when you add diverse schedules, children, school, work, finances and the list goes on—there are a lot of decisions to be made by two different individuals.

Normally a rough patch can be induced by:
  • A major disagreement that escalates or wasn’t resolved
  • Family or friends interference in the relationship
  • Lack of communication before marriage about a major decision
  • An individual or both individuals not communicating hurt caused by their partner

There are many ways we can enter the relationship rough patch, just ask Rainbow and Dre. The fictional characters from the show Black-ish are now experiencing a disconnect that started because their one-year-old son wasn’t walking and they couldn’t agree how to handle it. Dre was openly concerned and wanted to take him to a specialist to be tested, while Bow remained (outwardly) calm and thought it best to wait it out. While their son did end up walking, that did not conclude their argument, which escalated into an argument over any and everything topic they discussed for the next few episodes.

This is a classic example of a long-term relationship rough patch. But there are ways to get through it if you both take action when you first see the signs that you’re not connecting.

Communicate

This is one of the major reasons people decide it’s over. If you love your partner, communicating your feelings is key to getting back on track. Keeping your emotions locked away isn’t fair to your partner because it doesn’t give them the opportunity to improve and provide what you need from them. It’s not enough to drop hints or speak subliminally—in fact, I would recommend that you get straight to the point. Designate a time for you both to calmly open up about what you both have been feeling and explain your views. Just remember to say it and receive it with love and an open mind.

Remember the Good

There’s a reason you both fell in love with each other. Sometimes we need to remember why you like your partner and all the great things about him or her. Making a list can help you to see all the positive things about your partner and help you snap out of the notion that they just can’t do anything to please you. Once you’ve written your list, you can also ask your partner to do the same exchange. Not only can this instill confidence back into your relationship, but you both can rekindle that connection by doing the actions on each list.

Address Major Life Changes Early

I’m a strong believer in taking preventative measures, whether it’s for physical health, mental health or the health of your relationship. During your early stages are designated for asking major questions like:

Would you be open to relocation? If so, where wouldn’t you go?

Do you want children? How many?

How important is religion to you?

Although the answers to these questions could possibly change in the future, it’s so important to discuss major decisions in life and what you both want and don’t want. Trying to address these problems when they come up in a few years is so much harder and heartbreaking than getting on the same page in your early stage.

There’s always time to do a little Spring cleaning in your relationship. Get the sparks flying again between you and your partner with these tune-up tips.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose.

If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Book your complimentary initial consultation.

 

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4 Ways to Significantly Improve Your Mother/Daughter Relationship

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If you were to set a status for your Mother/Daughter connection, would it be ‘in a relationship’ or ‘it’s complicated?” Moms and daughters can answer this question—there’s no wrong answer. There are some of us who interact more like best friends and sisters, while others spend more time arguing or avoiding an argument with distance. Regardless of your status, if you are both open to improving your relationship, these steps can take you in the right direction.

Try to Understand One Another

I can’t tell you how many mothers and daughter both think, “I just don’t understand you.” There is nothing wrong with this. We all have different experiences in life, even when you’re living in the same household. Remember, there’s also a generational gap between the both of you so what your mom was used to growing up, most likely isn’t the same as what you’ve witnessed and the environment you’re in.

Both moms and daughters should take this into account and start the dialogue. Ask specific questions about why one another says and does certain things you don’t agree with. You can even address tone and body language. Sometime’s it’s not what you say, but how you say it.

Make Time For One Another

This is important for every relationship. Find your common interests and a time that you can both enjoy them together. Have fun with one another—it can help you both get to know each other. Moms, don’t shy away from opening up about past experiences from your childhood—good and bad. Being more transparent with your daughter can build trust in your relationship and help her open up to you as well.

Think Before You Talk

Every mom and daughter has had at least one major blow out, right. Most of them happen right at the height of being a teenager when hormones and raging and everything mom is saying warrants an instant eye roll. Unfortunately, this isn’t always a temporary phase, and these arguments can persist through adulthood.

In the heat of any argument, try to control your emotions enough to think before you say anything you’ll regret. Two or three words said within seconds can have a lasting impact on both of you. Discussions that turn into a screaming match normally happen when one or both of you have been holding emotions in for a while. To avoid this, try to be more open about your feelings. Tell her everything that makes you tick, from what she says to how she says it. Remember, to express yourself in a calm manner so your voice is heard and taken seriously, rather than mid-argument.

Forgive

You both need to forgive for your relationship to flourish. Otherwise, there will always be a blockade stopping you both from enjoying the best sides of one another. Forgiveness starts with communicating the hurt that your mom or daughter has caused, whether you have a one-on-one with her, or need the help of a therapist. Make a commitment to yourself to free yourself from that pain so you both can move on to a healthier relationship.

Asking your mom, or your daughter to answer the relationship status question is a good way to break the ice and start the dialogue. Ask one another, are you ‘in a relationship,’ or is ‘it complicated.” Then talk about why you gave your responses and take the conversation from there.

We can be our worst critics without even realizing that we’re tearing ourselves down. Learn the importance of forgiving yourself and how to do it.

 

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose.

If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Book your complimentary initial consultation.

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Affordable & Cozy Date Night Ideas That Don’t Involve Dinner and a Movie

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Who doesn’t love the classic dinner and a movie date night? But when it becomes your go-to spot for spending a romantic evening together, it can get boring. Last week I took date night outdoors and gave you some ideas to help get you out of that rut. Don’t worry, you nor your partner have to be nature-lovers to enjoy these simple adventures.

This week, we’re keeping the love indoors, and none of these ideas include a big screen.

Volunteer

Volunteer work not only helps other people and our environment, but it helps you as well. Performing these acts of kindness can boost your self-esteem and your mood when you’re proud of the work you’re doing for others. Share this experience with your partner by taking a day to lend your hand to a mission that you’re passionate about.

Try a New Restaurant Every Month

Okay, this idea does involve dinner, but it will still take you out of your comfort zone. Make a promise to one another that you will visit at least one new restaurant every month. Alternate who makes the pick every month so you’re both trying something you think you’ll enjoy. But don’t shy away from cuisines you’re not familiar with—you never know what may excite your taste buds. Experiencing something new with your partner, even if it is a simple meal can be an adventure for the both of you. You’ll always have those memories of the amazing meals you enjoyed and can laugh at the terrible ones as well.

Do a Blind Taste Test

This is an exciting date night you can enjoy without stepping outside of your home. If you have kids, arrange a sleepover with their friends or call in a favor from the grandparents. Both of you will bring a selection of foods that you consider sexy. Then take turns blindfolding and feeding each other. You can keep it simple with fruits, snacks and pre-made foods so you can skip the prep work and head straight to the fun. Aphrodisiacs are strongly encouraged!

Play Hooky

Make it spontaneous—no planning allowed! Call out sick on a random Tuesday and enjoy the day with one another. You can curl up on the couch with one another and enjoy a comfy day in with board games, movies and junk food. Or you can go out on an adventure to another city. This idea is especially good for periods when you both get really busy due to work, kids, and well…life. Make your relationship a priority and press pause on life’s responsibilities—one day won’t hurt.

Include your relationship in your Spring-cleaning spree. Here’s how you can make sure your partner is really happy.

 

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose.

If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Book your complimentary initial consultation.

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