The best relationships are those where both partners are committed to putting in equal amounts of effort, for the sake of wanting to be and make one another happy. As beautiful as the desire to do this may be, neither you or your partner will achieve this without effective communication. Communication problems can leave you feeling frustrated and even wondering if they’re still the best person for you. But before you give it any more thought, you should understand that communication problems are rarely unsolvable. Sometimes a few tweaks are all it takes to get your relationship back on track again. Below are a few causes of relationship communication problems.
HIDING TRUE FEELINGS
The difficulty to resolve issues will continue to be challenging if a partner isn’t honest about their feelings. Whether it be a pet peeve or a strong grudge, don’t bury your feelings. Burying your feelings can result in withdrawal (sometimes not even purposely), resentment, and not being fully engaged with our loved ones. After analyzing your feelings, calmy open up and express to your partner what you wish to change and how you wish to change it. Being open and true about your feelings makes for a happier you and less stressful life.
NOT SPEAKING THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE
Everyone has their own love language. It’s challenging when you and your partner don’t speak the same love language, but you will find that learning to understand & speak your partner’s love language will be very rewarding. Your partner may enjoy receiving small gifts, messages throughout the day that you were thinking of them, foot rubs, praise, or simply some help with chores. Initially, your efforts may not feel genuine or even comfortable, but with practice and time, it will begin to feel natural.
POOR LISTENING SKILLS
Too often, in relationships, people do not exercise active listening. Active listening doesn’t come naturally to us all, however, it can be acquired and developed through practice. Active listening requires giving full attention to the speaker, rather than just passively hearing and waiting for your turn to speak. Once someone feels unheard and unvalidated by their partner or doesn’t understand what the other partner is communicating, frustration is sure to follow. As an active listener, it’s important to convey your actions to your partner, or they may conclude that you aren’t listening. You can convey your actions by both verbal and nonverbal communication. Nonverbally, by maintaining eye contact & nodding your head. Verbally, by carefully listening, encouraging them to continue, then reflecting what they said back to them in your own words (without judgment).
YELLING, SHOUTING, AND SCREAMING
Screaming at your partner should not be acceptable. It is a poor form of communication that takes place in relationships. Yelling, shouting, and screaming are a part of trying to dominate and control the other person. The person screaming may believe they’ve gotten the other person to change, but in reality, it’s easy to shut out and become defensive when being yelled at. Once a person has put up defenses, they’re not listening, only trying to protect themselves. Needless to say, there won’t be clear communication.
Perhaps you remember a time you lost it and yelled at your spouse, or maybe you shut them out and didn’t clearly express your true feelings. From time to time, all of these issues listed may arise within your relationship, but it’s important to not let them become normal habits in your relationship.
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