What to do about mistrusting your partner: The path to recovery

Do you find it difficult to trust your partner? Do you find yourself checking their phone or even doubting where they say they’re going? Are there parts of your relationship that you’re insecure about?

In the previous blog post, we began with the topic of mistrust in relationships & common signs that people show when they don’t trust their partner. This week, we’ll be focusing more on what to do about not trusting your partner. These tips are for people that don’t trust their partners but have decided to remain in the relationship and try to make it work.

Commit To Doing The Work & Don’t Retaliate

There may be days when you want to retaliate, but hurting your partner won’t remove your pain. It will only make it more challenging to move forward with your relationship. Commit to doing the work even on the days that you don’t feel like it.

Don’t Snoop

Many times, people begin snooping because of doubts. Some snoop around their partner’s personal belongings or personal accounts. Once you start snooping, it’s hard to stop and the longer you continue to snoop, the harder it will be to stop. You could always find a reason to snoop around, but do you really want to be in a relationship where you’re constantly checking behind your partner’s back?

Be Transparent

Express to your partner why you don’t trust them. Be open and honest. Do your trust issues stem from past heartbreak from an ex? Do they stem from being raised in an unstable environment? Or do your trust issues stem from something that your current partner did? It’s important to be completely open and honest with your partner about where you believe your trust issues stem from.

Sometimes, people go through life unaware of how their actions affect those around them. Could your partner be unaware that they’re doing actions are promoting mistrust?

This step could seem unnecessary if you think that you’ve already told them what you needed many times, but sometimes, in the midst of frustration, hurt, and being defensive, there can be a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding. You may feel like you’re clearly communicating, but your partner may just hear noise and frustration.
The mistrust of your partner could be from them not responding to your texts/calls, it could be your partner not telling you who they’re hanging out with, it could even be your partner not giving you a heads up about an unplanned expense (financial mistrust). Whatever the reason, be sure to clearly state the specific actions that make you insecure about trusting them.

*tip: Write it down in a letter and give it to them, if you need.

Listen To Their Side Of The Story

After expressing your feelings of mistrust, it’s very likely that they’ll want to explain their side or defend themselves. Allow them to. Give them the opportunity to explain and express themselves the same way you wanted. Consider their perspective.

Communicate Your Needs

Don’t only tell your partner what the issue is. Be sure to tell your partner how the issue can be fixed. If you need more communication throughout the day, if you need clearer explanations, if you need to get to know their friends more, or if you need your partner to go to counseling with you to help build trust, tell them.

Lead By Example

It’s not easy to be kind, open, and honest with someone when you feel that they’re doing the opposite. But sometimes, the best way to encourage your partner is to do it first…and keep doing it. Tell your partner where you’re going, who you’re texting, and if you’re planning to spend a lot of money.

Assume Your Partner Has Good Intentions

Sometimes, when adults no longer want to continue a relationship, they simply leave. Assume your partner is with you because they actually want to be with you and no one else. Do you have concrete proof that your partner is cheating?

Trust is a choice. Trust is about much more than not finding proof that your partner is unfaithful. Trust is about believing that your partner has your best interest at heart.