What to do about mistrusting your partner: The path to recovery

Do you find it difficult to trust your partner? Do you find yourself checking their phone or even doubting where they say they’re going? Are there parts of your relationship that you’re insecure about?
Last week, we began discussing trust in relationships & common signs that people show when they don’t trust their partner. This week we’ll be focusing more on what to do and how to move forward after realizing  (or maybe just finally admitting to yourself) that you don’t trust your partner. These tips are for people that don’t trust their partners but have decided to remain in the relationship and try to make it work.

Commit To Doing The Work & Don’t Retaliate

Some days, you may just want to give up on the relationship. Some days, you may want to stay in the relationship, but hurt your partner by retaliating. Don’t do it. Hurting someone doesn’t make you less hurt. It only makes you hurt and now vengeful… which is unhealthy for both you and your relationship. Commit to doing the work even on the days that you don’t feel like it.

Don’t Snoop

Often times, people start snooping because of relationship doubts. People may snoop around their partner’s personal belongings or personal accounts. But once you start snooping, it’s very hard to stop. And the longer you continue to snoop, the harder it will be to stop. You can always find a reason to snoop, but do you really want a relationship where you’re constantly checking behind your partner’s back? (Next week, we’ll delve further into reasons why you shouldn’t snoop).

Be Transparent

Express to your partner why you don’t trust them. Be open and honest. Do your trust issues stem from past heartbreak from an ex? Do they stem from being raised in an unstable environment? Or do your trust issues stem from something that your current partner did? It’s important to be completely open and honest with your partner about where you believe your trust issues stem from.

Sometimes, people go through life unaware of how their actions affect those around them. Could it be possible that your partner doesn’t even know that they’re doing things that are promoting mistrust?
This step may seem unnecessary to those who feel that they’re constantly telling their partner how they feel about this issue. However, in the midst of frustration, hurt, and being defensive, there can be a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding and during this time,  what you feel you’re clearly communicating could just sound like noise to your partner.
It could be your partner not responding to your texts or picking up your calls, it could be your partner not telling you who they’re hanging out with, it could even be your partner not giving you a heads up about an unplanned expense (remember, financial mistrust is a thing… mistrust isn’t only due to infidelity). Whatever the reason is for you mistrusting your partner, be sure to tell them.

Listen To Their Side Of The Story

After expressing your feelings of mistrust to your partner, it’s very likely that they’ll feel the need to defend themselves. Allow them to. Give them the opportunity to explain and express themselves the same way you desired it. Consider their perspective.

Communicate Your Needs

Don’t only tell your partner what the issue is. Be sure to tell your partner how the issue can be fixed. If you need more communication throughout the day, if you need clearer explanations, if you need to get to know their friends more, or if you need your partner to go to counseling with you to help build trust, tell them.

Lead By Example

It’s not easy to be kind, open, and honest with someone when you feel that they’re doing the opposite of that to you. But, sometimes the best way to encourage your partner is to join them in doing it. Tell your partner where you’re going, who you’re texting, and if you’re planning to spend a lot of money.

Assume Your Partner Has Good Intentions

Some people in relationships cheat, we all know this. But many times, when adults no longer want to continue a relationship, they simply leave. Assume that this is the case with your partner. Assume that they are with you because they actually want to be with you and no one else. Believe that there are genuine, good-hearted people in this world. Believe that your partner is one of them. Unless you have found concrete proof that your partner is cheating, isn’t it be possible that they aren’t?

Trust is a choice. Trust is about much more than not finding proof that your partner is unfaithful. Trust is about believing that your partner has your best interest at heart.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.