When you’ve been hurt before, completely putting yourself trust someone may be challenging for you. In fact, the idea of it may feel completely terrifying. Not fully trusting your partner may feel safe and may feel as if you still have control of your heart. However, trust is essential to a healthy relationship and healthy relationship equals genuine happiness for you. Choosing to not trust your partner could essentially be keeping you away from a great relationship.
The issue is that some people aren’t always aware that they don’t trust their partner. They just have these constant doubts. Some people don’t know that their relationship is unhealthy. It’s impossible to get healthy when you aren’t aware of the unhealthiness and it’s impossible to heal what you don’t know is broken.
Listed below are a few characteristics of someone that doesn’t trust their partner.
You’re Snooping On Their Phone/laptop
If you find yourself sneaking to check your partner’s phone/laptop or even just sneaking a glance when your partner’s on the phone, it’s likely that you’re concerned about who they’re talking to.
You Ask For Proof Of Everything
If you’re constantly asking your partner to show proof of where they were or who they’re communicating with on their phone, there’s a trust issue in your relationship.
You’re Constantly Checking Their Social Media
Checking to see what recent pictures they’ve been tagged in, checking their friend’s page to see if (or where) they’ve been with your partner, checking to see who’s commenting on their pictures, or where they’re checking in- These are all signs that you don’t trust where your partner is going and who they’re communicating with. So much is hidden behind a password and that can drive a person crazy if they don’t trust the person using the devices and social media pages
You Demand Their Passwords
Their Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, email, & even their texts & calls– you want access to all of it. If you’ve demanded your partner’s passwords to check up on who they’re communicating with, your trust in your partner could be very fragile.
You’re Intimidated By Every Attractive Person Around Your Partner
Let’s say you and your partner are on a date and your waitress is an attractive female. If you find yourself sneaking looks to see if your partner is staring at her or you find yourself asking your partner whether they find her attractive, this could be a red flag that you aren’t sure your partner won’t cheat. This could also go for coworkers or friends that your partner has. Perhaps you don’t trust the relationship between your partner and one of their friends, or perhaps you don’t trust the motives of their coworker and the idea of them being alone, or just without you around. These are all red flags.
The mistrust that to feel could be due to you being hurt by an ex in the past, being hurt by your current partner in the past, or even due to seeing someone you care about getting cheated on. Regardless of the origins of the mistrust, if you don’t trust what your partner says what does, there’s a problem in your relationship.
The first step is to evaluate your feelings. Think about why you’re concerned. Has your partner ever given you a reason to doubt them? Or is your skepticism due to a situation with another person (your ex..or someone else)? If your partner has never cheated or done any concrete thing to make you doubt them, you may be allowing past or outside issues to affect your relationship. Sometimes, years later, we unknowingly carry the pain from the ex that broke our heart, the relationship turmoil that we saw our parents in, or even the backstabbing of a best friend. This can all lead to trust issues and putting up a wall. If you find yourself doubting every relationship you’ve been in, you have an issue with trusting people. Anyone can cheat and lie, but not everyone will. The best thing you can do is to look deep within yourself and try to find where these insecurities and trust issues come from.
If your partner hasn’t given you a real reason to have doubt, give them the benefit of the doubt. Your instinct to doubt could be more about your past relationships and not about anything your current partner is doing. Remember that it’s not always the worst-case scenario. Sometimes, your partner is really running late. Sometimes, their phone really was dead and sometimes, they’re not inappropriately texting anyone.
If your partner has unaccounted for hours (not home and not at work) & begins telling little white lies of through whereabouts, if your partner doesn’t want to tell you who they’re texting, if your partner is on the phone and lowers their voice soon as you walk in the room, if your partner is spending more time than usual with their co-worker, and if they’ve become less interested in sex than usual, then your partner has given you reasonable doubt.
Another thing to consider is your partner’s friends. Are most of them single? Do many of them cheat? we’ve all heard the saying “Birds of a feather flock together” and to some extent, it is true. If your partner is constantly surrounded by people that glorify or even normalize cheating, it could affect them. Even as adults, we still experience peer pressure. A cheating friend can be influential in showing your partner how to sneak around (& obviously even lie for them).
It’s very possible, however, for your partner to have a cheating friend, but still never cheat.
Evaluate and process your current relationship and your partner’s actions. Have they ever given you a concrete reason to suspect cheating? Or is your suspicion based off of your own insecurities?
Next week, we’ll discuss what to do about this doubt, how to handle it, and how to move forward.
Remember that you can overcome anything.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.