The term “gaslighting” refers to the manipulation of someone, by psychological means, into questioning their own reality, perception, or sanity. The term originated from the 1938 play (and 1944 film adaptation) Gaslight, where the protagonist’s husband slowly manipulates her into believing she’s going mad.
Gaslighting usually takes place in relationships and social interactions where there is a power imbalance. A person experiencing gaslighting may become confused, withdrawn, or anxious and they may not realize the behavior is abusive.
Here are some common gaslighting phrases:
“You need help” “You’re just crazy” “It was just a joke” “You’re just insecure/jealous” “You’re too sensitive “You’re overreacting.” “You’re just being paranoid.” “You’re imagining things.” “That never happened.” “You’re just overthinking it.”
People experiencing gaslighting often find it challenging to trust themselves. Gaslighting is abusive, it can wreak havoc on the mind, and it’s damaging to relationships.
Stay tuned for the next topic: How to Handle Gaslighting
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
Depression has many faces many symptoms. Some bold and others subtle. If you or someone you know may be dealing with depression, it’s important to recognize and understands the signs. Listed below are a few common signs of depression and how to handle it as a loved one, and as the person experiencing it.
Persistent Sadness
Feeling sad sometimes, but happy at other times is a part of life, but overwhelming and persistent sadness is common in people with depression. Once the overwhelming, persistent sadness takes over, a sense of hopelessness sets in, making it difficult to see the good in any situation. These feelings can make even the simplest task seem like a giant obstacle that can’t be overcome.
Loss of Interest
Depression can take the enjoyment out of many things you once had an interest in. A person may no longer have the desire to participate in hobbies, sports, going out with friends, and even having sex. Even when you do participate in these activities, they don’t feel as pleasurable, fulfilling as before.
Isolation
Right after the loss of interest, isolation follows. The isolation can urge you to pull away and shut down, resulting in feeling lonely and distant. Isolation isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes, taking a break and distancing yourself for a while to recuperate is needed to be the best version of yourself. Isolation can increase productivity, allow us to recharge, and even assist us in learning more about ourselves. However, lacking social connections and constantly feeling lonely are signs of too much alone time.
Irritability
The mood swings sometimes present themselves as irritability, frustration, crying, and outbursts…over matters that didn’t seem to be much of a bother before.
Difficulty Concentrating
Depression can make it difficult for individuals to focus, remember, and even make decisions. People suffering from depression are sometimes less productive at work and school.
Suicidal Tendencies
Many people experience suicidal thoughts when depressed. Suicidal tendencies can include an increased use of alcohol, a noticeable increase or decrease of food intake, making comments about dying, abusing drugs, driving recklessly, randomly having a gun, knives, or pills around.
Low Energy
Depression can make the simplest tasks and activities take much more effort than before. People with depression may sleep a lot or rarely. Sometimes, even after a good night’s rest, they may still feel tired.
What Loved Ones Can Do
Watching your loved one deal with depression is hard. Remember that no matter how distant your loved one becomes, keep including them and keep checking on them. The topic of depression should not immediately be brought up, but over some time of listening and asking questions, the option of seeking professional help should be mentioned.
Help should always be carefully suggested and not aggressively forced, or else the depressed loved one could pull away even more. It’s important for family and friends to assure their loved one that regardless of what they do, and even if they don’t seek help now, they will still be loved and have a community.
What People Suffering From Depression Can Do
With depression, the desire to do anything is difficult, but being socially, mentally, and physically active can combat depression. It’s important for people suffering from depression to attend social events, welcome calls, visits, and check-ups from loved ones. The more isolated a person is, the more depressed they could become.
Set A Routine: Setting daily goals to work towards can give you something to look forward to, and help you feel more of a sense of purpose. You could also make a mental list of things that you are grateful for everyday, sorting out a stack of mail, talking a walk in the park, going to the gym, or watching a comedy can help you to forget you’re depressed
Know it’s only temporary: Despite what thoughts and feelings you have, understand that everything your mind may be telling you isn’t completely accurate. You may feel hopeless and lonely, but that may not be the reality.
If you or someone you know may be experiencing depression, it may be time to consider a therapist. Therapy provides a safe, non-judgmental space where you can release. Therapy can also help identify the cause of one’s depression and offer ways to enjoy life again.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
Laughing feels great, but did you know that it can actually improve your health? Below listed are a few powerful benefits of laughter.
Social benefits
Laughter brings people together. We’ve seen that happen time and time again in movies and even in our personal lives. Laughter can strengthen relationships by triggering positive feelings and fostering emotional connection. Laughter is also a good way to diffuse a conflict because once someone starts laughing, it’s very difficult to stay mad. Be mindful, however, that making a joke during a serious time can be quite tricky, so be sure to use your best judgment and never laugh at someone else’s expense.
Physical Health Benefits
In an article written by mayoclinic.org titled “Stress Management”, laughter can actually induce physical changes in your body. According to the article, laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. It also states that laughter can stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation… both of which can help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress. Laughter can even protect your heart by improving the function of blood vessels and increasing blood flow. This can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.
Mental Health Benefits
Laughter releases endorphins. Endorphins are the body’s natural feel-good chemicals that promote a sense of well-being and relieve stress. Also, when we laugh, our cortisol level decreases (Cortisol is known as the stress hormone). Laughing can also change your perspective by helping you to see things in a new, less scary way and by helping you to take things less seriously.
Laughter isn’t just a quick pick-me-up thing. There are many long-term effects of laughter such as an improvement in your immune system. Choosing to think positively can release neuropeptides that help fight stress and potentially more-serious illnesses.
Laughter is amazing and the best part is that it’s free! Laughter makes you a better person. So the next time you’re feeling down, turn on a sitcom or some stand-up comedy. If you’re constantly experiencing sadness, check out some joke books or find a few funny signs and decorations to put around your house or office desk to make you chuckle. Find a way to laugh about your own situations and very shortly, you’ll feel the worry begin to fade.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
Do affirmations really work? Many people ask this is the question. It may seem unrealistic to constantly speak as though something has already happened, but that’s what makes affirmations so great!
Positive affirmations encourage us to envision the reality we want for ourselves. It helps to attract our desires in life. When we think and speak positively, we feel better.
Affirmations should always be formed in positive statements. Rather than saying I don’t desire to eat fast foods and drink soda, you can say, “I eat a healthy diet that makes me feel good.”
When saying your affirmations, start them off with “I” to make them identity statements, which motivate you to make that change. We’ve all heard ‘you are what you eat,’ but you’re also what you speak. Affirmations like, “I am confident,” “I am beautiful,” and “I enjoy exercise,” help to condition your mind and attitude into believing your positive statements, despite what anyone else has to say.
Write your affirmations as if they are in the present, rather than the past or future. Instead of saying, “I will be healthy and happy when I start eating better,” rephrase it to say, “I am healthy and happy.” The first statement could actually enable you to delay your healthy eating plan. It may feel silly to say something that you don’t believe is true, but remember, these affirmations work as fuel for your action.
In order for your affirmations to work, they must be done at least once a day. With the hustle and bustle of work, traffic and children, it can be hard to forget about your positive phrases. Work it into your daily routine by saying them in the morning while you’re getting ready for work and at night when you’re preparing for bed. You can also leave notes in visible areas like your mirror, computer or fridge.
Remember, affirmations work when you do.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
Arguing may not be ideal, but there’s a right way and wrong way to do it. Here are 4 things you should never say during an argument.
Instead of “I hate you” try paying attention to your emotions and what’s causing you to feel this way. Why are you angry? The words “I hate you” should never be used when talking to a loved one. Do you really hate the person you’re talking to? Or do you just hate how the action made you feel? If not, then don’t say it. If you must say the word, be specific about your feelings. For example, rather than saying “I hate you”, say “I hate how this made me feel” or “I hate when this happens”.
Instead of “You always/never”, try being specific about the problem and the change you’d like to see. These generalizations can make a person feel unappreciated, as if you only see their wrongdoings. “Always” and “never” are usually an exaggeration and it overlooks any effort.
Instead of “That’s stupid/ridiculous” try saying: “I don’t agree” These dismissive comments are rude, insensitive, and it can make the other person feel as though you believe their feelings are far more important than theirs.
Instead of “I’m leaving if…”, try stating your specific desires and expectations. This goes for “I’m leaving if…” or any other ultimatum. These statements can make a person feel forced and even if your needs are met, it will very likely be done begrudgingly. Ultimatums can also cause the other person to doubt your true intentions.
It’s best to stay clear of comments that you may later have to apologize from. Name calling, blaming, and criticizing can trigger the listener. It’s never a good way to encourage someone to change. It makes people defensive, leaving very little room to hear anything important you might say.
During a disagreement, take as many deep breaths and breaks as you need. It’s best to continue the conversation later when you’re calm (this also lessens the chances of saying something you’ll later regret). Remember that it’s not about winning. It’s about resolving a conflict.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
Last week, we focused on identifying the different attachment styles. Let’s shift our focus today on developing secure attachments in relationships. This will help to build strong, healthier connections.
Insecure attachment is a fear-based relationship style- the deep, even unconscious fear of abandonment or unmet needs. An insecure attachment style can come from inconsistent or unreliable parenting (the child’s needs were only met sometimes) and unavailable, or abusive parents. As a result, the child develops an unhealthy attachment style as an adult (such as having mistrust, abandonment issues, clinginess, insecurities, and not forming close bonds).
Check out these strategies and tools that can help you develop healthy attachments and maintain strong, lasting, and healthy bonds.
Learn More About Your Attachment Style – Once you’ve identified your attachment style, start learning more about it. This will help get a better grip on anxiety.
Set Boundaries– It’s important to set and enforce boundaries and respect the boundaries that your loved ones have set. Knowing that your wishes are respected can deepen and maintain strong connections.
Learn Your Triggers– Know what pushes your buttons so that you can clearly express them to your loved ones. Set up a strategy to redirect the intense feelings.
Time-outs– If it’s normal for you to overreact during triggering conversations, distance yourself from the situation for sometime. When you’re emotionally flooded, it’s challenging to clearly express yourself and it’s likely that the person listening will misinterpret what you’re attempting to communicate. Express to them that you’re feeling overwhelmed and you need a break. Take some time to cool down, think about how you feel, and revisit the situation with a clear mind.
Therapy– Therapy can help you learn how to effectively communicate and set healthy relationship goals.
Stop Trying to Mind Read– Don’t assume you know what someone is thinking. Instead, simply ask. Trying to mind read can lead you to jump to conclusions and worst-case scenarios. This can cause you to make mistakes and hurt people. For example, by prematurely breaking up with your partner after a fight because you assume that they’re going to call it off.
Changing your attachment style may not easy, but it’s possible.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
We all have our individual attachment style. Attachment styles are ways of relating to people in relationships. Some people are very clingy, while some are unattached, while others vacillate between the two with a “push-pull” dynamic. According to the attachment theory, which was first developed by psychologist Mary Ainsworth and psychiatrist John Bowlby in the 1950s, our adult attachment styles are shaped and developed early in life in response to our relationships with our earliest caregivers. Essentially, attachment styles usually mirror the dynamics we had with our caregivers. Once it’s established, it is a style that remains and sets the stage for how we relate in intimate relationships.
So, what are the different attatchment styles? Let’s delve in.
First, there’s the Secure attachment. Just as the name says, people with a secure attachment are just that. Secured. Individuals with this attachment style form stable relationships where trust and respect are mutual and where the dependency on one another and expectations are healthy and balanced. They’re not afraid of intimacy, they know how to draw boundaries, and they accept and show vulnerability with ease because they’re comfortable with their emotions. They’re also are not afraid to leave an unhealthy relationship. This is the only healthy attachment style. Early Years: Individuals with this attachment style usually had their needs met as children in a safe, nurturing environment. As infants/children, they felt comfortable around their parents and had a clear understanding of how they should be treated.
The second attachment style is Anxious attachment. Anxiously attached people tend to be very insecure about their relationships. Because of their strong fear of rejection or abandonment, they often worry that their partner will leave them. Thus, constantly wanting validation and exhibiting neediness or clingy behavior (such as getting anxious when their partner doesn’t text back fast enough and constantly feeling like their partner doesn’t care enough). Early Years: An anxious attachment is developed in childhood when the child receives an unreliable and inconsistent amount of love and care. As young children, they may cling to caregivers, be desperate for their attention. or become inconsolable when a caregiver leaves.
When Mary Ainsworth (the psychologist that helped to develop the attachment theory) assessed children’s attachment patterns at 12 to 18 months, noted that when the children with anxious attachment were reunited with their mothers, they were confused, dazed or agitated; staring off into space and avoiding direct eye contact with her. They remained intensely focused on their mother, but did not seem to be satisfied or comforted. The narrow focus and limited responses of these children prevented any further play or exploratory behavior.
(The other names for this attachment style are anxious-preoccupied and ambivalent attachment)
The third is Avoidant attachment. People with this attachment style tend to have trouble getting close to others. You can be around them, but they’ll keep you at arm’s length and won’t let you in. If they’re ever hurt, disappointed, or feel abandonment of any form, they will vow to never again be placed in such a position of need. They have such a deep-seated fear of intimacy that they even avoid and deny their own feelings. These individuals often isolate themselves and prefer living an independent lifestyle. Early Years: During childhood, only a portion of their needs were met. For instance, they may have been fed, but they were emotionally neglected because their parents were emotionally distant. Their parents expected them to be independent and tough. Because of the emotional, physical, or relational unavailability from childhood, they’ve decided to only trust and rely on themselves.
Lastly, there’s the Fearful-avoidant attachment. It’s a combination of both the anxious and avoidant attachment styles. This attachment style is often seen in people who have been physically, verbally, or sexually abused or neglected in their childhood. People with fearful-avoidant attachment crave affection, connection, and love, but they’re reluctant to trust and connect with others. They even feel unworthy of love…so they remain independent and distant. In fact, when they’re pushed to open up, they may completely shut down. Early Years: These individuals often experienced a chaotic childhood environment, in fear of their abusive parents. Their parents may have been suffering from PTSD, personality disorders, or depression.
Essentially, babies and children who have their needs met and receive love and support are likely to develop secure, healthy relationships, while babies and children who don’t have their needs met and who experience inconsistency or negligence are likely to be anxious, avoidant, and even fearful in relationships.
Though most people develop their attachment style from infancy, it’s possible to change it. Stay tuned for the next topic: Developing Secure Attachments.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
A new relationship can feel exciting, but sometimes, as the newness wears off, it can feel boring and stale. You don’t have to stay bored in your relationship forever. Check out these 5 ways to keep your relationship exciting and fresh.
1- Send Text Messages
We could all use some encouragement throughout our day or a reminder that a loved one is thinking about us. These sorts of texts can help to build a stronger connection. Send encouraging or loving texts throughout your day and don’t hesitate to include flirty or funny texts also. This can build anticipation for the next time you’ll see one another.
2-Schedule Regular Date Night You don’t have to stop dating just because you’ve been together for a while. Schedule regular date nights so you can spend quality time together as a couple. Date night allows you to de-stress and relax around each other, all while rekindling the romance.
3- Try New Activities Together Participating in a new activity together can keep the relationship exciting. You can learn a new language together, go bike riding, start having regular picnincs at a park, take a cooking class, take dance lessons or even volunteer at a soup kitchen together. Learning new things together can help you grow as a couple and it can keep your relationship interesting.
4-Spend Time with Other Couples Spending time with other couples who have strong, healthy relationships can be great. The positive influence can help reinforce the importance of commitment and remind you why you fell in love. Spending time with other couples can even show you what you don’t want in your relationship.
5- Surprise Each Other
Chances are your partner probably hasn’t stopped liking cute little surprises. You can still surprise your partner with their favorite flowers, their favorite meal, a teddy bear, a gadget, or even their favorite snack…and it doesn’t have to be on a special occasion. Infact, surprising them on a regular day could make them feel even more special.
Routine can make relationships feel boring, but remember that it doesn’t have to stay that way. By being together for a while, you actually have an advantage. You’ve now learned the likes and dislikes of your partner. This will be useful for refreshing your relationship.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
Are you in a healthy relationship? Are you looking for one? Healthy relationships bring out the best in you. A healthy relationship does not mean a “perfect” relationship (that isn’t realistic), but healthy relationships, though not always easy, are tangible.
The signs below are behaviors we should strive for in all of our relationships. Check out these characteristics and behaviors of a healthy relationship.
Trust Is at the Core of the Relationship The lack of trust can leave you unsure of whether you can even count on your partner, but trust can make you feel safe and secured, fostering an even stronger connection.
You Know Each Other’s Love Language You’ve probably heard of the book called The 5 Love Languages by now. In it, you discover your partner’s “love language” — the way they prefer to give and receive love. In healthy relationships, individuals take time to learn each other’s “love language” so you can both express your love in a way that you understand and accept.
Mutual Respect In healthy relationships, people show respect through treating each other in ways that don’t degrade, deprive, or belittle. They value each other’s time and opinions like they value their own and they protect each other’s privacy. These characteristics are shown regardless of whether they disagree or are upset with one another.
You Encourage Each Other to Go After Your Goals A healthy relationship naturally brings out the best in you and you are encouraged to be the best you can be.
Individuality While mutual interests are great, it’s important to still live your own life ( have friendships, professional goals, and hobbies that are aside from your partner). In a healthy relationship, there is adequate overlap to keep the connection strong, but each person has aspects of their lives that are theirs alone, and that boundary is respected by both parties.
Gratitude Grateful couples are usually more satisfied in their relationships and feel closer to each other. Relationships can fail when partners begin to take each other for granted. In a research done by the national library of medicine, it was found that the reported feelings of gratitude (of participants) towards a romantic partner predicted who would stay in their relationships and who would break up nine months later. The more grateful participants were, the more likely they were to still be in their relationship. Showing gratitude goes beyond saying “thank you” after your partner takes out the trash. Gratitude includes appreciating not just what your partner does, but who they are as a person. You’re not just thankful that your partner took out the trash—you’re thankful that you have a partner who is thoughtful enough to know you hate taking out the trash. Gratitude means thinking about all of your partner’s best traits (and even your not so favorite ones that challenge you to be better) and remembering why you entered a relationship.
Healthy Conflict Resolution The way a couple argues — or doesn’t — can predict a lot about their relationship’s success. Healthy relationships refrain from stonewalling and escalating into personal attacks when there is a difference of opinion or a problem. They are able to talk it through with patience, respect, empathy, and understanding.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
Dance has always been a part of human culture. There are so many forms of dance that you can’t go wrong in doing it! Many of us enjoy dancing (whether in public or private), but did you know of all of the ways it could benefit us?
Physical Dancing improves cardiovascular health. Professional ballroom dancer and certified personal trainer Leon Turetsky says that all styles of dance make for great cardio workouts since your heart rate gets challenged from executing the different moves. Dancing incorporates movements on all planes of motion (sagittal, frontal and transverse) and from all directions, which can improve balance and strength.
Mental Dancing can maintain and even boost your ability to think as you age because the areas of the brain that control memory and skills, such as planning and organizing, improve with exercise like dance. Your brain is constantly being exercised while you’re dancing because you’re required to focus on both the constant changing of movement and remembering the moves. Dancing challenges your brain.
Mood Booster/Combats stress Dancing helps improve your mental and emotional health by raising endorphin levels, which results in reduced stress and decreased symptoms of anxiety and depression. Dancing also boosts self-esteem. It makes you more comfortable in your own skin, which builds confidence.
Self-expression Unfortunately, many people have jobs that make it challenging to show their creativity and self-expression. Dance can be a creative outlet that expresses inner feelings, thoughts and experiences. Dancing makes life more fun. It doesn’t matter what type of dance you enjoy, as long as you are moving to the beat, your body and mind benefit.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
We now offer online counseling sessions. Our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. Schedule a FREE call with us.
After you submit your email address you will be taken to the page where you can schedule the FREE call with us. On the next page please select the name of the counselor you would like to speak with and the date + time desired. Click here to learn more about our ONLINE COUNSELING OFFER. Note: this offer is for non-emergencies only. If this is an emergency call 911.
