” Everyone wants to get in 30 or 40 hours. When you try to do something like this, you have to cut corners. When you cut corners, the quality of the product goes down. It might be your work, your sleep, or your love life, but something has to give in order to make room for more. “- evanmarckatz.com
Today, many people wear ‘busyness’ as a badge of honor. Being busy is equated to being of higher value, and therefore, more important. Being the champion at work and with the children is very rewarding, but if you are not careful, these things can take a toll on you and your love life. Having regular sex with your partner has it’s benefits. Studies found having more sex can increase relationship satisfaction and as a bonus? lead to better career success. According to new findings, in the Journal of Management, having sex can improve your performance and satisfaction at work.
Let’s explore ways to keep your sex life interesting, even when you’re busy.
Plan It!
If you are too busy for ‘spontaneous’ sex, plan it! Planning will not diminish the quality of sex, Many busy couples swear by it. Sex must not always happen by chance, Scheduling sex is a team effort and a commitment to connecting with your partner on a regular basis.
Set The Mood
Want to have great sex in the evening? make her breakfast in the morning, rub his back when he wakes up. Set the mood, in order to let your partner know that you care. Hold hands during the day, wear his favorite perfume, buy her favorite bottle of wine. Set the tone in the beginning, and it will become second nature, overtime. Romantic gestures should come from both parties–team effort!
Communicate
Talk to your partner about your sexual expectations, Make sure your communication is open, tactful and sensitive. Talk about things you’d like to try and be open minded. Communication is what makes great sex. Remember, it may not be perfect the first time, but overtime, you will learn to listen to each other’s bodies. Talk about your sensual thoughts and fantasies-do it as often as possible!
Check on Your Partner’s Emotional State
A great sexual relationship is built on emotional intimacy and closeness “When couples don’t see eye to eye about their sex life, it can lead to problems. It’s important to talk about any disconnect, and whether you both want to make creating sexual passion a priority. .” -Best Health
If you have not had sex in a while, it may be time to examine your and your partner’s emotional state. Holding resentment, anxiety, excess stress or generational hurt? Communicate openly, calmly and clearly about this. If you can’t effectively communicate with your partner, seek professional help.
Don’t Let ‘Being Tired’ Get in the Way
“Hunger will be woken up by seeing a lovely meal spread out before you,” Couples often find that their desire for sex increases, as they begin foreplay. Even if you are not in the mood, start with a gentle caress in his favorite spot and watch what happens.
Finally, relationships are all created differently. Whether you’re having hot and heavy sex once a week, or once every three months, all that matters is your mental health and your happiness.
Learn how positive affirmations can help you build success.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
Learn how to rekindle your passion, whether you’re in a 25 year marriage or a relationship that may have seen some bumps in the road.
When you have not had sex in month or two…or six, you might need to set aside guidelines in order to regain momentum. Scheduling date and intimacy nights seems to lack spontaneity, but these guidelines are put in place, in order to get you started. Like training wheels it is only temporary and the point is to keep you on course until it becomes second nature.
Below are some guidelines influenced by Amanda Chatel (via Bustle).
If you try some of the positions suggested in part one, you may have very new, intimate and exciting moments with your partner. Use these moments to spend quality time together and the next time you see your partner, you’ll think: “Gosh, I can’t wait to be with him/her again.”
If there has been infidelity or trauma remember to take it slow. Have a night every week dedicated to foreplay and masturbation. Always be mindful of your partner’s needs and respect the natural pace of things.
Surprise, Surprise!
Whether it be lingerie, chocolate or whipped cream, surprises are just another form of foreplay that builds you and your partner’s anticipation for something new and exciting.
Fantasy Night
Not to be mistaken with fantasy football night. Fantasy night should help you learn more about your partner. Before getting started, have a discussion. Discuss the things you have always wanted to try, or things you fantasize about. Once you openly discuss curiosities without judgement, try something new! Again be mindful of your partner’s hard and soft limits.
This one can be a little tricky, but if navigated properly it can be very beneficial. You may be super busy and always on the go, however, building intimacy with your partner throughout the day is still possible.
Sexting, when done properly, can serve to arouse and excite. It also builds confidence and desirability. Sexting can be a nice surprise to spice up your partner’s day.
Make up sex
For many couples make up sex is intensely sensual because of those passionate emotions, built up from an earlier fight. Put those emotions to good use. You don’t have to do this every time you fight, but try it–at least once!
“Everything But” Game
This game is played, strictly in order to build desire. As mentioned, in part one of this series. blindfolds are a great accessory and perfect for the “everything but” game. Tease your partner with feathers, ice, petting, licking, grabbing. Explore your partner’s body without initiating intercourse. This game is meant to heighten one’s desires and senses.
Communication
This is of so much importance, it requires repeating.
Tell your partner what feels good, what doesn’t and what you’re not yet prepared for. If you are not inclined to be vocal, use nonverbal cues. Use your hands, or theirs, to direct.
I’ve worked with couples who feel embarrassed to vocalize their needs, so they text or write little love notes. “As our sexual health columnist Emma Kaywin likes to say, ‘communication is the best lubrication.”
If it is your first time as couple trying a new position, role playing, or trying a new, adventurous fantasy, don’t sweat it if all does not go perfectly. If it feels awkward, make an adjustment. It may take a couple of attempts to re-introduce sex, or move from the mundane ritual to the exciting. Don’t overthink it, relax. Give yourself over to that special, spectacular moment if only for a while.
Dive in and start connecting!
Sometimes, it is a little difficult for some more than others.
Traumatic events and trust issues can get in the way of your sexual and intimate satisfaction. Keep in mind, however, that communication, or seeking professional help is necessary. Steady the pace of your partner.
Sometimes, your partner may not understand their triggers, or tastes, so always communicate and seek to understand. Survivors of sexual trauma are at an increased risk of a number of psychological conditions, like depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These can all affect your sex life. It is important to have a therapist or relationship counselor help you, during this journey. Rebuild those effective communication tools, and remember, it is okay to be sexy and confident.
If you are in need of a therapist or have any questions, reach out to the staff at CWC Coaching and Therapy. We have an extensive understanding and appreciation for the complexities of love,career, relationships and intimacy.
Learn how positive affirmations can help you build success.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
it seems like almost everything that you and your partner do and think about is about the baby (let’s have a moment of silence for the moms with multiples). With so much talking and thinking about your baby, I bet the last thing on your mind is sex, right? Well, believe it or not, sex after having a baby is the last thing many new parents think about, but a healthy sex life is very important to your relationship. These next few steps are to help you bring the steam back in your relationship after having a baby.
Let’s Get Real About Post Par-tum Depression
Before delving into adjusting your love life, we must first discuss your possible feelings. A new baby can trigger so many beautiful emotions such as excitement, pride, and joy! Often times, however, many new mommies don’t expect to feel the other emotions that can come along with having a new baby- fear, anxiety…and even depression. Due to being confused and ashamed of these feelings, many mothers keep their feelings to themselves.
So, What causes postpartum depression? Postpartum depression does not have a single cause, but likely results from a combination of physical and emotional factors. Here’s the science behind it: After childbirth, the levels of hormones (estrogen and progesterone) in a woman’s body quickly drop. This leads to chemical changes in a female’s brain that may trigger mood swings. In addition, many mothers are unable to get the rest they need to fully recover from giving birth. Constant sleep deprivation can lead to physical discomfort and exhaustion, which can contribute to the symptoms of postpartum depression.
With all of these overwhelming feelings, it’s easy to understand why the very last thing on a new mother’s mind is her intimate life. Just to be clear, just because a new mother hasn’t been focused on her love life recently and just because she feels as if she has lost her “mojo”, doesn’t mean that she is experiencing postpartum depression. Postpartum depression is only one of the common reasons that mothers lose interest or are unhappy after having a baby. As always, consult a professional for a proper diagnosis.
With a new baby in the picture, sex can drop a few notches on the priority list. In addition to the new responsibilities of having a newborn and simply being exhausted, delivering a baby can leave you more sore than a professional athlete, more dry than the desert.. ( but hey! cut yourself some slack. For the past 9 months, you’ve been eating for two…right?
Get Out of Bed!
No, really.. get your love making out of your bed! Take it somewhere else..You’ve got to get creative! Think beyond your bedroom. Be spontaneous. Chances are, as the mother of a newborn, these days, when you’re in your bed, all you really want to do is sleep. Imagine how easy it’d be to plan for sex with your partner, only to fall right asleep as soon as you get in bed. Consider the car, consider the laundry room, the kitchen, the shower, maybe even a balcony. Many people experience the thrill of sex while being outside.
Date Your Partner
Remember when the two of you went on dates? Remember when you’d spend countless hours alone, enjoying one another’s company? While you can’t exactly take impromptu trips or spend hours in bed like you did before the baby, there are still fun and exciting ways to rekindle your love life.
Find a babysitter.
It may be difficult to trust someone to be alone and care for your baby, so, consider a close friend or a parent. Remember that you are not only a mother. Yes, your role of being a mother is important and yes, your baby has many needs that only you can fulfill…but you have needs as well. You must fulfill your relationship’s needs for your own sanity and happiness. Your child deserves a happy, sane mom.
Couples who spend uninterrupted time together at least once a week have better communication, higher sexual satisfaction, and stronger feelings of commitment than couples who don’t, according to “The Date Night Opportunity” report from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia.
Remember, date nights don’t have to be expensive! They can be anywhere and you can plan anything, as long as you’ll be enjoying yourself and spending quality with your beau.
Get Physical!
There are so many ways get physical with your partner besides having sex–so why not start slow? Get physical with your partner. Kiss your partner, tickle your partner, cuddle. Be opened to writing each other sweet messages. Participate in physical, sensual activities that you and your partner both enjoy. These activities can comfortably coerce you into eventually being sexual with your partner.
Talk to Your Partner
One of the worst things you could do in a relationship is to not communicate. Get real with your partner. Tell your partner how you’re feeling and why you haven’t been so sexual and maybe, emotionally involved as you you once were. Your body just carried a child for nine months and delivered it into this world–this comes with physical and emotional changes. Many women feel less attractive shortly after having children. Communicate that to your partner. Open, honest communication can always strengthen a relationships.
Better communication can create better sex. And it can really improve other aspects of your relationship. Talk and watch things becoming better in the bedroom.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. We’ve all heard that phrase before. It’s just another way of saying that men and women could not be any more different. Did you know that women have a larger hippo-campus? The hippo-campus is where humans store memories. Perhaps this is why women can recall every word of an argument from years ago! Even music affects us differently. Premature baby girls who received music therapy had fewer complications, grew faster and were able to be discharged earlier than the ones that did not. There was no effect on premature baby boys (Sax, Leonard. “Why Gender Matters” 16). Sometimes, Many women need specific conditions, in order to be sexually aroused..Let’s explore …
Many Men View sex for it’s Physical Aspect.
Often, men tend to prioritize sex over other aspects in the relationship compared to women. Some women, however, view sex as an activity to support the relationship and bring closeness emotionally. Understand, however, that plenty of women do enjoy sex for physical pleasures as well. With women, the emotional aspects are just more emphasized than men.
Let’s Talk About Orgasms!
There has been scientific evidence indicating that the key for women to reach the heights of orgasmic bliss is a deep sense of relaxation and a lack of anxiety. Brain scans have shown that the parts of women’s brains responsible for processing fear, anxiety and emotion slowed down the more aroused they became, producing a trancelike state at orgasm. A trancelike state at orgasm? Doesn’t that sound blissful!? What’s even more interesting is that men showed far less change in these areas of the brain, suggesting that women need to relax to become aroused, while men? Not as much.
Other differences include the fact that men have a point of what we call “ejaculatory inevitability” during sex when they can’t hold back from an orgasm, no matter what.. Most men have an “ejaculatory threshold,” which is the amount of stimulation they can experience before reaching this “point of no return.” But women, on the other hand, don’t experience ejaculatory inevitability. A woman can “lose” an orgasm even as it’s happening! Can you believe that!? AS it’s happening?
As horrible as some of this information seems, there are pros and cons to both situations. Sure, it can be tougher for some women to climax, especially if they’re distracted. However, women are able to enjoy multiple orgasms and women have rarely been accused of coming “too fast.” Yes, orgasmic bliss is more of a sure thing for guys, but it has its own downside. It’s easy for some men to pass that point of ejaculatory inevitability sooner than they — and their partners — would like and that’s called premature ejaculation.
Communicate
Though men and women are so incredibly different, these differences don’t make one gender better or worse with sex, It also doesn’t make one person’s way “right” and the other “wrong.” There are so many positive ways to view our differences that can improve our relationship with our partners. These differences can provide an opportunity for partners to work together with mutual respect and thoughtfulness, in order to better serve one another and to reach a healthy solution, together.
Sexual bliss begins with understanding and respecting your differences.
Remember that nothing is 100%. Some people may be different. I suggest having good and open communication with your partner about his/her needs, desires and apprehensions. Better communication can create better sex. And it can really improve other aspects of your relationship. …So talk and watch things becoming better in the bedroom.
These 4 daily habits can help you create more happiness in your life. Find out what they are
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
While being a stepparent can be rewarding and fulfilling, often times, the journey begins at a rocky road. A rocky, challenging, sometimes frustrating road. Perhaps you’re currently at the beginning of that rocky road. If that’s the case, let me assure you that the road can get smoother.
Below are a few steps to help you understand what your role as a new step parent should be. Buckle up and brace yourself.
Understand That Your Stepchild Might Be Mourning.
At some point, you’ve probably thought “WHAT’S THEIR DEAL?” You’ve probably been as nice and patient with your stepchild, as humanly possible, but your step child/children just can’t seem to come around! Ever heard the saying “DON’T TAKE IT PERSONAL”? Well, in this situation, really, don’t take it to heart. Your partner’s child could be mourning the separation of their birth parents. They may need time to heal before they can fully accept you as a new parent. In their minds, the idea of you and their parent may mean the end of hope that their parents will reunite; even if it has been several years since the separation (Grown children often cling to that hope for a really long time). This reality can make them feel angry, confused, and even hurt
Understand That Healthy Communication With the Ex Is Important.
Sure, you might not be BFFs with your partner’s ex, but you know what you, your partner, and their ex all share in common? You guessed it… your step children! It would be in your best interest to keep an open line of communication with the ex. After all, you are around his/her kids. Minimal conflict and open communication between you and the ex about their kids can make a big difference regarding how easily kids accept you as their stepparent. Communicating with your partner’s ex is also important in efforts to keep the rules as consistent as possible. Although, it is your home and you can make the rules as you’d like, children need consistency. While you don’t have to mirror the exact pattern of the ex’s house rules, remember that kids can quickly learn how to “work the system” for short-term gain and that can cause long-term problems between you, them, the ex, and your partner. Try your best to stay on similar pages with raising your step children.
Understand The Role You Play.
Figuring out your role as a parent is something you’ll have to include your step children and partner in. To a large extent, your role depends on the age of the child. For example, if you entered their life as an infant or a young child, it may be easier to assume the role of a third parent and, eventually, possibly, another disciplinarian. If, however, you entered the child’s life as a teenager, your role may be more of the supportive, friendly adult. Never assume that you immediately have to “take charge” in a parenting role towards your step- child. The role of being the disciplinarian and the parent that “takes charge” is for the child’s biological parents. It’s important to understand and respect that, or you might as well be asking for the dreaded “You’re not my real mom/dad!” response.
Though you may currently be at the beginning of that rocky road of step parenting, it can get smoother. You mustn’t stop. You mustn’t turn back around. Just Keep Driving.
Communication is important in these moments, so you both are on the same page and respect each other’s beliefs.
These five questions seem light-hearted and fun, but you’ll be surprised how much it will reveal about your partner. Find out what they are and start asking.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
Does it make you excited? happy? disgusted? Are you one of those individuals who can’t get enough sex? Or have you, perhaps, been too overworked to care lately?
When we talk or think about sex, we all have different perceptions. These perceptions are ever changing, based on our current life stage. Now, when you throw in sexual expectations within a relationship, a simple urge or desire can get complicated.
It is probably fair to say that at the beginning of most relationships, sexual attraction and desire are usually at an all time high. You’re probably exploring new moves, new territories, talking dirty, and enjoying the hot and heavy passion as much as possible.
As time passes, however, and the relationship matures, do you still expect that same passion? Is such an expectation even realistic?
Let’s take a look at some commonly held beliefs around sex
1. Men have a stronger sex drive than women.
FALSE. Women can have strong sexual desires too, especially given the right amount of foreplay both emotionally and physically. Women like sex, we enjoy it. Yes maybe we require a little more emotional connection, but once we get going…well you get the picture. Women hit a second sexual peak in their late 30s, according to several studies and this can result in an increased desire for sex and a heightened libido.
2. You have to have an orgasm for sex to be good.
FALSE. Now this one may be hard to believe, but you and your partner can enjoy yourselves without the ever popular symphony of “OHs” and “YES.” Doctor Kristen Mark wrote,“ Focusing on engaging with your partner in satisfying sexual exploration rather than “getting off” will enhance the quality (of sex). Recent research has also found that sexual duration may be a better way to classify sex than sexual frequency.” The concern to make your partner orgasm can get in the way of enjoying the pleasurable moments.
3. Alcohol can kill the sexual experience and affect your libido
TRUE & FALSE. The key with alcohol is moderation. Too much alcohol acts as a depressant and impacts respiration, circulation, and sensitivity in nerve endings, according to Health Promotion at Brown University. Alcohol also dehydrates the body, impacting both female and male ability to perform. Excessive drinking can lead to ED for men and a lower libido for women over time, according to Mayo Clinic. A glass of wine, however, can have benefits such as lower inhibitions and can assist in confidence and comfort.
4) A new baby kills your sex life.
TRUE. Maybe not kill… perhaps a mini coma. For this one, let’s call a spade a spade. Yes, your sex life will change with a newborn in the home and so should your expectations…at least for a little while. There will be crying and feeding and diaper changes and minimal sleep; so give yourself a break and enjoy those precious moments you have with a new life in your hands. Just remember to be patient with your partner and yourself. Sex will eventually return into the equation–just give it time.
5) Great sex should resemble scenes from a porno.
FALSE. No, no, and no.
A pornographic film is fantasy, a movie, and not accurate. If this is your expectation, going into a relationship; if you expect your partner to have fully coiffed hair, perfect makeup and 6-inch heels, while doing positions that can make a Chinese contortionist say ouch, then perhaps you need to re-adjust your perception of good sex. Good sex consists of connection, communication, sensuality, respect, adventure, the occasional 6-inch heels and role play.
Too much porn can desensitize you to what may be a typical cause for arousal and can result in an increased desire for more of the lurid side of sex.
6) One is the loneliest number that you ever knew. (Input catchy melody)
FALSE. Sex can be a singles’ game too. Now, I know this is about expectations in a relationship, but masturbation within a relationship does have its benefits. According to several research studies, masturbation can reduce stress, release sexual tension, help you sleep better, improve body image, release menstrual cramps, and strengthen muscles in the pelvic and anal region. So think of sexual masturbation as practice before the big game. It promotes a better understanding of your own body and that can be quite beneficial when you come together with your partner and “communicate” your needs.
7) Everyone loves sex.
FALSE. This misconception is important to keep in mind in a relationship. Not everyone has a healthy and positive view towards sex. Some individuals may want sex, but due to a painful past experience or trauma, find it difficult to enjoy sex. In this instance it is important to be very patient, respectful, and caring. Often, in the instance of past sexual trauma, it might be beneficial to see a couples therapist or sex therapist . This will help re-build a positive connection to sex.
8) Be Aware of the Perfect Moment to introduce sex into a relationship.
TRUE/FALSE. Yes sex should be an act of mutual respect and this often occurs once you get to know your partner. However, if you have sex right away, it doesn’t doom the relationship.
LCSW Brenda Lewis states, “The important thing is to have a dialogue around what it means if you are going to be intimate early on. Real intimacy and commitment comes from time. All you do by having sex early is learn about what the sex might be like.” So don’t get hung up on timing but rather when it feels right for both of you.”
9) Sex should be spontaneous.
FALSE. Ideally, sex would be in the heat of the moment when you match eyes across the dinner table and you pounce like a hungry mountain lion. However, life does not always allow for wild passion. It is a good idea to schedule a date night or time to be intimate. This can often be a useful technique in couples therapy and gets the ball rolling again until the couple can shift back into spontaneous sex. We are all very busy with 60 hour work weeks, with cell phones constantly ringing and kids screaming for attention. Scheduling time for intimacy will not only remind you of how good sex can be, it will also help you develop a pattern of regular, enjoyable sex.
10) Sex can be transcendent.
TRUE. Sex can be transcendent. It has the power to produce endorphins and elevated feelings of ecstasy. Often, people experience a feeling of peace or euphoria after climax.
Sex has been used in the past to commune with a “higher power or energy.” Ever heard of tantric sex? According to Healthline, Tantra is ancient Sanskrit meaning “to weave energy”. In practice, tantra is about enlightenment: to transcend both the sexual and spiritual planes by engaging in deeply meditative, spontaneous, and intimate sex. Sex or sex-like activities can be almost meditative in nature with amazing benefits.
For more information about tantric sex: click here,
Always remember that sexual expectations are ever evolving in a relationship. It is important to communicate and respectfully receive the information you partner is giving you. Validate your partner’s desires and roadblocks and come to a mutual understanding of what you both want your sex life to look like.
If you need help communicating and coming together as one, we are always available. CWC provides couples’ therapy and helps refocus your energy. Call 470.296.3090 or visit www.chantelcohen.com for more information.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose.
If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
At last! You’ve found the love of your life! Now, you’ve been thinking of ways to introduce him/her to the little loves of your life. But how do you introduce your new partner to your children without starting WWIII in your household?
Below are a few Dos & Don’ts to help navigate through the nerve-wracking situation of introducing your children to your new partner,
Don’t Pressure Your Children
Never put pressure on your children to immediately like or trust your new partner (who is basically a stranger to them). No one wants to feel pressured to like or trust someone. Trust takes time. Trust takes experience. You may believe that your partner is the best thing since sliced bread. However, upon meeting your partner, your kids may disagree. Give them time to warm up to your new partner. It may take some time, but eventually, you will see the benefits.
Take it Slow, With the PDA
Listen, PDA can sometimes be a bit annoying and awkward even for some adults to witness, let alone your kids. Over time, your kids may get over the awkwardness of seeing the two of you affectionate (though they might not ever get over the “ickiness” of it all). Yes, being affectionate is part of being in a relationship and the kids need to accept it. However, a new relationship with your new partner can often be confusing and frustrating to young children, especially if they have a recollection of you and their biological parent being together. Kids seeing their parent affectionate with another partner can make them feel self-conscious, awkward, and embarrassed. A little affection is fine, but save the intense affection for some other time when your children aren’t present.
Talk to Your Partner
Before meeting your children, be sure to talk to your new partner about being respectful of your children’s feelings. Help your new partner understand that this may be a very emotional time for your children. Encourage your new love to take it slowly and to pace him or herself when approaching your children. By taking it slowly with respect, the guard that your children have set up can, over time, be brought down.
Talk to Your Kids
Parents should regularly talk with their children about their feelings, in order to have as much clarity as possible. When children are introduced to a new partner, they may experience a large range of complicated emotions. Upon talking to your children, you may find that they may feel uncertain and threatened and often fear that your new person will take their parent away. Children may also feel that this new person could try to replace their other parent, or even worse; that this new person could hurt the family. As a parent, you must reassure your children that you love them, respect their feelings (no matter how they feel), and that your new partner’s goal is not to take the place of their other parent. Many great things take time. And this situation is no different.
Take a deep breath and begin to prepare yourself for this new chapter of you and your family’s life. Always pay attention to the signs (from both sides, and above all else, trust your intuition.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
Many remarriages include children from previous relationships and blended families are more common now than ever. Blending different families together, however. comes with unique challenges. Combining different personalities, households and often, cultures, the awkward weekend visitations and dealing with the exes can fuel the fire of confusion that children and adults feel in trying to make sense of the divorce and new family. The stress can take its toll, but the rewards can be miraculous.
According to The US Bureau of Census , 1300 new step families are formed every day. The process, however, of successfully blending families together can be rewarding and challenging. Children resist the change, while parents often become frustrated, exhausted and anxious. Blending families requires adjustment for everyone involved. Though the process of blending can be tough, the final result can be beautiful. Understanding and communicating are keys to smoothing out an unfamiliar and rocky situation.
Let’s explore ways of adjusting to your new family.
Understanding
Whether you’re a stepparent or a stepchild, with your new family, understanding will be a must. Judith Wallerstein is a psychologist and author of ‘Second Chances’, and ‘Unexpected Legacy of Divorce’. The twenty five year landmark study followed 93, now-adult children for about 25 years and focused on the effects from their parent’s divorce, Wallerstein reported that 41% of children of divorce are worried, deprecating, and often angry.
Change is uncomfortable for anyone and you and your child are no exception. Understand, however, that as an adult, you chose this change, but this young person did not. They did not sign up for any of this. It’s possible that they feel tossed in a situation that they had very little, to no say in. This situation can be frustrating for both adults and children. . The distance or standoffish behavior from the child shouldn’t be taken personally. Children may feel as though they’re being disloyal to the other parent if they admit to liking the step parent. Communicate with your child that you both share the same feelings of uncertainty and confusion, but that you’re willing to make it work. As the adult, make it clear that you aren’t in this new role, as an attempt to take the place of the children’s biological parent.
Let’s explore our next step:Communication.
Communication
Communication is a key factor in any family and relationship and much more so in a blended family. Children need to openly communicate with their biological parents, and vice versa. It may not be comfortable in the beginning, but with effort, comfort and ease with conversation will come naturally. Both parties should feel comfortable communicating, overtime. Do not push comfort , closeness and friendship in the early stages. Parents, oftentimes, the children will not confide in you in the beginning. Learn to give the possibility of an organic beautiful relationship, time.
Though the role of a step parent and step child can be challenging, it can also be very rewarding. Remember this: creating and adjusting to your family is less of a project and more a beautiful process..
Not having enough sex with your new relationship?. Find out how to change that.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
Toxicity, like many things, exists on a scale. People who exhibit toxic behaviors towards others are not always monsters. However, if someone engages in these behaviors repeatedly, with no empathy and with an intent to damage the other individual, there is a high chance the person may be a toxic narcissist.
In recent decades, there seems to have been a rise in the number of narcissists present within society. In some instances, it’s easier to simply avoid narcissists. This solution only works, however, when the narcissist takes up no space in your personal life. Avoiding the narcissist becomes much more challenging when they’re a family member or a close friend. From the exaggerated sense of superiority to the lack of empathy, dealing with a narcissist can, at times, be quite overwhelming. Below are four steps that will teach you how to deal with a narcissistic loved one.
#1- Calmly Communicate
When dealing with a narcissistic loved
one, you should speak openly and honestly about issues that arise. Narcissist
don’t take criticism well and it’s best to avoid accusatory words. Use phrases
like, “I’m coming from a place of love”, “I care about OUR relationship.
“I want to be a good (spouse, best friend, sibling) to you, but it’s
difficult to when I feel this way.”
When these phrases are used, they help
you avoid bruising the narcissist’s ego.
When faced with a misunderstanding, despite
how valid your points are, be sure to not get pulled into arguing. Arguing with
a narcissist is draining and pointless. If you’re narcissistic loved one
continues to be defensive, it’s best to discontinue the conversation.
#2- Be Patient
Behavioral changes take time and narcissism
is very hard to change. Understand that narcissism is a personality disorder
and you should deal with your loved one accordingly. Consider also, the
possibility that your loved one was the victim of a narcissistic parent or
another kind of abuse, growing up. When dealing with a narcissist, you may have
to exhibit the most amount of patience necessary.
#3- Seek Professional Help
Admitting that you need help is very difficult for many people, especially narcissists. Narcissists are known for having very fragile egos and typically believe everyone else needs to change and not them. When ego is overlooked, it becomes clear that narcissists truly have low self-esteems and profound feelings of inadequacy. Single-handedly attempting to treat a narcissist is exhausting. It’s best to get help from a professional. It’s also important to mention that you cannot change a narcissist. You can only try to help them. The decision to change solely depends on the narcissist.
#4- Stop Dealing With It!
Narcissistic abuse is real and is often fueled
by the lack of empathy. Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and
psychological abuse. If you’ve felt as if you’ve done all that you can or if
the situation has gotten detrimental to your emotional & mental health, it
might be time to leave. Deciding to
leave a narcissistic relationship takes courage. Narcissists can do real damage
to the people around them. The mental and emotional scars left from loving a
narcissist can be tremendous and long-lasting.
If you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s best to seek professional help
for yourself also.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
”Adult children of narcissists experience love that’s conditional only “- Kathy Caprino
By Definition
According to Mayo Clinic : “Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. Behind this mask of ultra confidence, however lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism. A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs.”
Young children admire parents for support, love and guidance. When children are denied these things, in order to survive their environment, they develop a variety of beliefs, behavioral patterns, and coping mechanism. As they become older, adult children of narcissists use these same coping mechanisms, to their own ruin. Unfortunately, narcissistic parents often beget narcissistic children.
Ego and Achievements of Children
Narcissism runs on a spectrum and ranges from healthy narcissism to malignant narcissism. Many people may have narcissistic traits without being narcissists. Narcissism is not always absolute; It shows up sometimes, under the pretense of “trying to do what’s best” for the child. Narcissistic parents feed their own ego through the achievements of their children. When raising children, creating an empathetic environment is crucial for proper development, acceptance and understanding of self. Children should know that they are heard, understood and loved.
The Signs of A Narcissistic Parent
Narcissistic attachment often occurs when the child believes that he or she exists only for the parent’s benefit. The parent is often very possessive and sees the child as a way to fulfill the constant need for attention, praise, and devoted attention.
Often, adult children of Narcissists :
Have a fear of speaking up and stating their opinion
Are hyper sensitive to what others feel
Are very uncertain of themselves and their place in the world
Are often in toxic or deeply unsatisfying relationships
Are Codependent in relationships
Have Low Self Esteem
Are unable to say “no” and establish boundaries
Are Self-loathing
The Lasting Effects
More often than not, the children of narcissistic parents tend to be very insecure, overly-sensitive, and cannot see themselves as good enough. If these issues are not handled early, later in life, adult children of narcissists unconsciously attract other narcissists through their adult relationships, and in their careers.
If any of the listed signs seem familiar, take steps to gain greater awareness. It will take solid therapeutic support to help you heal. For more information, contact me at (470) 296-3090. I’ll help you become one again.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
We now offer online counseling sessions. Our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. Schedule a FREE call with us.
After you submit your email address you will be taken to the page where you can schedule the FREE call with us. On the next page please select the name of the counselor you would like to speak with and the date + time desired. Click here to learn more about our ONLINE COUNSELING OFFER. Note: this offer is for non-emergencies only. If this is an emergency call 911.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, 
