Last week we introduced three simple ways you can improve yourself as an individual to get closer to your partner. We talked about the importance of gratitude, expressing expectations and allowing well deserved ‘me time.’ This week, we have three more steps you can take towards building a closer relationship with your spouse.
Don’t Take too Much Drama to Mama
Try to avoid spilling too much to friends, your mom (many of us have been guilty of this once or twice), or your siblings. We’re not saying you can’t confide in a trusted friend. But running to someone other than your partner every time you have a disagreement doesn’t do much to resolve what’s going on in your relationship. The only people who can ease your concerns and remedy the problems are you and your partner—IF you both communicate.
If you find that you’re not being heard in your relationship, let your partner know—calmly. Screaming, “YOU’RE NOT HEARING ME, “ is most likely not going to insight change in his/her behavior. Instead, sit your partner down, and express how they make you feel. When we lean more on our emotions rather than what we view as reality, it is received better by others.
For example, instead of saying, “You don’t listen to what I have to say,” try “I often feel like you’re not hearing what I really want from you, and that can be frustrating for me.”
Without understanding your spouse’s definition of showing love, they may continue to feel unsatisfied in your marriage.
Learn their Love Language
Bestselling author Gary Chapman established the theory that we all have one primary and secondary way that we prefer to receive love. These 5 love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
Without understanding your spouse’s definition of showing love, they may continue to feel unsatisfied in your marriage. We often find that people show love based on their own love language. Think about it: if you enjoy hugs, back rubs, and cuddling in bed, your love language is clearly physical touch, so that’s naturally how you would show love. But if your partner’s love language is words of affirmation he wants to hear, ‘I appreciate you tucking the kids in tonight, babe,’ or ‘I’m proud of you,’ and may not see cuddling as a sign of love.
What’s the best way to identify your partner’s love language? Communication! Take the love languages test, and have an open and honest dialogue about how you both enjoy being loved.
Lack of quality time can distance you both without you even realizing.
Put the Phone Away
Don’t just turn it down on the coffee or dinner table. Physically put the phone away. Whether you prefer to leave it on silent in another room or put in on do not disturb, make sure it’s in a place where you would be tempted by notifications to check work emails or texts.
You may not realize how much more time you spend liking and commenting on Instagram than actually speaking to your partner. Even if you’re both guilty of being glued to your phones, this can still hurt your relationship more than you know. Lack of quality time can distance you both without you even realizing.
Mend that disconnect by designating uninterrupted time for you and your partner to talk about your day, eat dinner together or play a game. Who says married couples can’t Netflix and chill?
Looking for more tips that will help you and your partner strengthen your relationship? Head over to our Facebook page!
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose.
If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.