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While being a stepparent can be rewarding and fulfilling, often times, the journey begins at a rocky road. A rocky, challenging, sometimes frustrating road.
Perhaps you’re currently at the beginning of that rocky road. If that’s the case, let me assure you that the road can get smoother.

Below are a few steps to help you understand what your  role as a new step parent should be. Buckle up and brace yourself.

Understand That Your Stepchild Might Be Mourning.

At some point, you’ve probably thought “WHAT’S THEIR DEAL?” You’ve probably been as nice and patient with your stepchild, as humanly possible, but your step child/children just can’t seem to come around! Ever heard the saying “DON’T TAKE IT PERSONAL”? Well, in this situation, really, don’t take it to heart. Your partner’s child could be mourning the  separation of their birth parents. They may need time to heal before they can fully accept you as a new parent. In their minds, the idea of you and their parent may mean the end of hope that their parents will reunite; even if it has been several years since the separation (Grown children often cling to that hope for a really long time).  This reality can make them feel angry, confused, and even hurt

Understand That Healthy Communication With the Ex Is Important.

Sure, you might not be BFFs with your partner’s ex, but you know what you, your partner, and their ex all share in common? You guessed it… your step children! It would be in your best interest to keep an open line of  communication with  the ex. After all, you are around his/her kids. Minimal conflict and open communication between you and the ex about their kids can make a big difference regarding how easily kids accept you as their stepparent. Communicating with your partner’s ex is also important in efforts to keep the rules as consistent as possible.  Although, it is your home and you can make the rules as you’d like,  children need consistency. While you don’t have to mirror the exact pattern of the ex’s house rules, remember that  kids can quickly learn how to “work the system” for short-term gain and that can cause long-term problems between you, them, the ex, and your partner. Try your best to stay on similar pages with raising your step children.

Understand The Role You Play.

Figuring out your role as a parent is something you’ll have to include your step children and partner in. To a large extent, your role depends on the age of the child. For example, if you entered their life as an infant or a young child, it may be easier to assume the role of a third parent and, eventually, possibly, another disciplinarian. If, however, you entered the child’s life as a teenager, your role may be more of the supportive, friendly adult. Never assume that you  immediately have to “take charge” in a parenting role towards your step- child. The role of being the disciplinarian and the parent that “takes charge” is for the child’s biological parents. It’s important to understand and respect that, or you might as well be asking for the dreaded “You’re not my real mom/dad!” response.

Though you may currently be at the beginning of that rocky road of step parenting, it can get smoother. You mustn’t stop. You mustn’t turn back around. Just Keep Driving.

Communication is important in these moments, so you both are on the same page and respect each other’s beliefs.

These five questions seem light-hearted and fun, but you’ll be surprised how much it will reveal about your partner. Find out what they are and start asking.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Sex.

What do you think when you read this word?

Does it make you excited? happy? disgusted? Are you one of those individuals who can’t get enough sex? Or have you, perhaps, been too overworked to care lately?

When we talk or think about sex, we all have different perceptions. These perceptions are ever changing, based on our current life stage. Now, when you throw in sexual expectations within a relationship, a simple urge or desire can get complicated.

It is probably fair to say that at the beginning of most relationships, sexual attraction and desire are usually at an all time high. You’re probably exploring new moves, new territories, talking dirty, and enjoying the hot and heavy passion as much as possible.

As time passes, however,  and the relationship matures, do you still expect that same passion? Is such an expectation even realistic?

Let’s take a look at some commonly held beliefs around sex

1. Men have a stronger sex drive than women.

FALSE. Women can have strong sexual desires too, especially given the right amount of foreplay both emotionally and physically. Women like sex, we enjoy it. Yes maybe we require a little more emotional connection, but once we get going…well you get the picture. Women hit a second sexual peak in their late 30s, according to several studies and this can result in an increased desire for sex and a heightened libido.

2. You have to have an orgasm for sex to be good.

FALSE. Now this one may be hard to believe, but you and your partner can enjoy yourselves without the ever popular symphony of “OHs”  and “YES.” Doctor Kristen Mark wrote,“ Focusing on engaging with your partner in satisfying sexual exploration rather than “getting off” will enhance the quality (of sex). Recent research has also found that sexual duration may be a better way to classify sex than sexual frequency.” The concern to make your partner orgasm can get in the way of enjoying the pleasurable moments.

3. Alcohol can kill the sexual experience and affect your libido

TRUE & FALSE. The key with alcohol is moderation. Too much alcohol acts as a depressant and impacts respiration, circulation, and sensitivity in nerve endings, according to Health Promotion at Brown University. Alcohol also dehydrates the body,  impacting both female and male ability to perform. Excessive drinking can lead to ED for men and a lower libido for women over time, according to Mayo Clinic. A glass of wine, however, can have benefits such as lower inhibitions and can assist in confidence and comfort.

4) A new baby kills your sex life.

TRUE. Maybe not kill… perhaps a mini coma. For this one, let’s call a spade a spade. Yes, your sex life will change with a newborn in the home and so should your expectations…at least for a little while. There will be crying and feeding and diaper changes and minimal sleep; so give yourself a break and enjoy those precious moments you have with a new life in your hands. Just remember to be patient with your partner and yourself. Sex will eventually return into the equation–just give it time.

5) Great sex should resemble scenes from a porno.

FALSE. No, no, and no.

A pornographic film is fantasy, a movie, and not accurate. If this is your expectation, going into a relationship; if you expect your partner to have fully coiffed hair, perfect makeup and 6-inch heels, while doing positions that can make a Chinese contortionist say ouch, then perhaps you need to re-adjust your perception of good sex. Good sex consists of connection, communication, sensuality, respect, adventure, the occasional 6-inch heels and role play.

Too much porn can desensitize you to what may be a typical cause for arousal and can result in an increased desire for more of the lurid side of sex.

6) One is the loneliest number that you ever knew. (Input catchy melody)

FALSE. Sex can be a singles’ game too. Now, I know this is about expectations in a relationship, but masturbation within a relationship does have its benefits. According to several research studies, masturbation can reduce stress, release sexual tension, help you sleep better, improve body image, release menstrual cramps, and strengthen muscles in the pelvic and anal region. So think of sexual masturbation as practice before the big game. It promotes a better understanding of your own body and that can be quite beneficial when you come together with your partner and “communicate” your needs.

7) Everyone loves sex.

FALSE. This misconception is important to keep in mind in a relationship. Not everyone has a healthy and positive view towards sex. Some individuals may want sex, but due to a painful past experience or trauma, find it difficult to enjoy sex. In this instance it is important to be very patient, respectful, and caring. Often, in the instance of past sexual trauma, it might be beneficial to see a couples therapist or sex therapist . This will help re-build a positive connection to sex.

8) Be Aware of the Perfect Moment to introduce sex into a relationship.

TRUE/FALSE. Yes sex should be an act of mutual respect and this often occurs once you get to know your partner. However, if you have sex right away, it doesn’t doom the relationship.

LCSW Brenda Lewis states, “The important thing is to have a dialogue around what it means if you are going to be intimate early on. Real intimacy and commitment comes from time. All you do by having sex early is learn about what the sex might be like.” So don’t get hung up on timing but rather  when it feels right for both of you.”

9) Sex should be spontaneous.

FALSE. Ideally, sex would be in the heat of the moment when you match eyes across the dinner table and you pounce like a hungry mountain lion. However, life does not always allow for wild passion. It is a good idea to schedule a date night or time to be intimate. This can often be a useful technique in couples therapy and gets the ball rolling again until the couple can shift back into spontaneous sex. We are all very busy with 60 hour work weeks, with cell phones constantly ringing and kids screaming for attention. Scheduling time for intimacy will not only remind you of how good sex can be, it will also help you develop a pattern of regular, enjoyable sex.

10) Sex can be transcendent.

TRUE. Sex can be transcendent. It has the power to produce endorphins and elevated feelings of ecstasy. Often, people experience a feeling of peace or euphoria after climax.

Sex has been used in the past  to commune with a “higher power or energy.” Ever heard of tantric sex? According to Healthline, Tantra is ancient Sanskrit meaning “to weave energy”. In practice, tantra is about enlightenment: to transcend both the sexual and spiritual planes by engaging in deeply meditative, spontaneous, and intimate sex. Sex or sex-like activities can be almost meditative in nature with amazing benefits.

For more information about tantric sex: click here,

Always remember that sexual expectations are ever evolving in a relationship. It is important to communicate and respectfully receive the information you partner is giving you. Validate your partner’s desires and roadblocks and come to a mutual understanding of what you both want your sex life to look like.

If you need help communicating and coming together as one, we are always available. CWC provides couples’ therapy and helps refocus your energy.  Call 470.296.3090 or visit www.chantelcohen.com for more information.

We help couples become one again.

Here are 4 discussions for you and your partner to have, in order o achieve a happier marriage.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose.

If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

At last! You’ve found the love of your life! Now, you’ve been thinking of ways to introduce him/her to the little loves of your life. But how do you introduce your new partner to your children without starting WWIII in your household?

Below are a few Dos & Don’ts to help navigate through the nerve-wracking situation of introducing your children to your new partner,

Don’t Pressure Your Children

Never put pressure on your children to immediately like or trust your new partner (who is basically a stranger to them). No one wants to feel pressured to like or trust someone. Trust takes time. Trust takes experience. You may believe that your partner is the best thing since sliced bread. However, upon meeting your partner, your kids may disagree. Give them time to warm up to your new partner. It may take some time, but eventually, you will see the benefits.

Take it Slow, With the PDA

Listen, PDA can sometimes be a bit annoying and awkward even for some adults to witness, let alone your kids. Over time, your kids may get over the awkwardness of seeing the two of you affectionate (though they might not ever get over the “ickiness” of it all). Yes, being affectionate is part of being in a relationship and the kids need to accept it.
However, a new relationship with your new partner can often be confusing and frustrating to young children, especially if they have a recollection of you and their biological parent being together. Kids seeing their parent affectionate with another partner can make them feel self-conscious, awkward, and embarrassed. A little affection is fine, but save the intense affection for some other time when your children aren’t present.

Talk to Your Partner

Before meeting your children, be sure to talk to your new partner about being respectful of your children’s feelings. Help your new partner understand that this may be a very emotional time for your children. Encourage your new love to take it slowly and to pace him or herself when approaching your children. By taking it slowly with respect, the guard that your children have set up can, over time, be brought down.

Talk to Your Kids

Parents should regularly talk with their children about their feelings, in order to have as much clarity as possible. When children are introduced to a new partner, they may experience a large range of complicated emotions. Upon talking to your children, you may find that they may feel uncertain and threatened and often fear that your new person will take their parent away. Children may also feel that this new person could try to replace their other parent, or even worse; that this new person could hurt the family. As a parent, you must reassure your children that you love them, respect their feelings (no matter how they feel), and that your new partner’s goal is not to take the place of their other parent. Many great things take time. And this situation is no different.

Take a deep breath and begin to prepare yourself for this new chapter of you and your family’s life. Always pay attention to the signs (from both sides, and above all else, trust your intuition.

Is Your Life by Design or by Default? Take our quiz to find out!

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Many remarriages include children from previous relationships and blended families are more common now than ever. Blending different families together, however. comes with unique challenges.
Combining different personalities, households and often, cultures, the awkward weekend visitations and dealing with the exes can fuel the fire of confusion that children and adults feel in trying to make sense of the divorce and new family. The stress can take its toll, but the rewards can be miraculous.

According to The US Bureau of Census , 1300 new step families are formed every day. The process, however, of successfully blending families together can be rewarding and challenging. Children resist the change, while parents often become frustrated, exhausted and anxious. Blending families requires adjustment for everyone involved.
Though the process of blending can be tough, the final result can be beautiful. Understanding and communicating are keys to smoothing out an unfamiliar and rocky situation.

Let’s explore ways of adjusting to your new family.

Understanding

Whether you’re a stepparent or a stepchild, with your new family, understanding will be a must.
Judith Wallerstein is a psychologist and author of ‘Second Chances’, and ‘Unexpected Legacy of Divorce’. The twenty five year landmark study followed 93, now-adult children for about 25 years and focused on the effects from their parent’s divorce, Wallerstein reported that 41% of children of divorce are worried, deprecating, and often angry.

Change is uncomfortable for anyone and you and your child are no exception. Understand, however, that as an adult, you chose this change, but this young person did not. They did not sign up for any of this. It’s possible that they feel tossed in a situation that they had very little, to no say in. This situation can be frustrating for both adults and children.
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The distance or standoffish behavior from the child shouldn’t be taken personally. Children may feel as though they’re being disloyal to the other parent if they admit to liking the step parent. Communicate with your child that you both share the same feelings of uncertainty and confusion, but that you’re willing to make it work. As the adult, make it clear that you aren’t in this new role, as an attempt to take the place of the children’s biological parent.

Let’s explore our next step:Communication.

Communication

Communication is a key factor in any family and relationship and much more so in a blended family. Children need to openly communicate with their biological parents, and vice versa. It may not be comfortable in the beginning, but with effort, comfort and ease with conversation will come naturally. Both parties should feel comfortable communicating, overtime.
Do not push comfort , closeness and friendship in the early stages. Parents, oftentimes, the children will not confide in you in the beginning.
Learn to give the possibility of an organic beautiful relationship, time.

Though the role of a step parent and step child can be challenging, it can also be very rewarding. Remember this: creating and adjusting to your family is less of a project and more a beautiful process..

Not having enough sex with your new relationship?. Find out how to change that.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

““But enough about me, how do you feel about me?”  

Toxicity, like many things, exists on a scale. People who exhibit toxic behaviors towards others are not always monsters. However, if someone engages in these behaviors repeatedly, with no empathy and with an intent to damage the other individual, there is a high chance the person may be a toxic narcissist.

In recent decades, there seems to have been a rise in the number of narcissists present within society.  In some instances, it’s easier to simply avoid narcissists. This solution only works, however, when the narcissist takes up no space in your personal life. Avoiding the narcissist becomes much more challenging when they’re a family member or a close friend.  From the exaggerated sense of superiority to the lack of empathy, dealing with a narcissist can, at times, be quite overwhelming. Below are four steps that will teach you how to deal with a narcissistic loved one.

#1- Calmly Communicate

When dealing with a narcissistic loved one, you should speak openly and honestly about issues that arise. Narcissist don’t take criticism well and it’s best to avoid accusatory words. Use phrases like, “I’m coming from a place of love”, “I care about OUR relationship. “I want to be a good (spouse, best friend, sibling) to you, but it’s difficult to when I feel this way.”

When these phrases are used, they help you avoid bruising the narcissist’s ego.

When faced with a misunderstanding, despite how valid your points are, be sure to not get pulled into arguing. Arguing with a narcissist is draining and pointless. If you’re narcissistic loved one continues to be defensive, it’s best to discontinue the conversation.

#2- Be Patient

Behavioral changes take time and narcissism is very hard to change. Understand that narcissism is a personality disorder and you should deal with your loved one accordingly. Consider also, the possibility that your loved one was the victim of a narcissistic parent or another kind of abuse, growing up. When dealing with a narcissist, you may have to exhibit the most amount of patience necessary.

#3- Seek Professional Help

Admitting that you need help is very difficult for many people, especially narcissists. Narcissists are known for having very fragile egos and typically believe everyone else needs to change and not them. When ego is overlooked, it becomes clear that narcissists truly have low self-esteems and profound feelings of inadequacy.  Single-handedly attempting to treat a narcissist is exhausting. It’s best to get help from a professional. It’s also important to mention that you cannot change a narcissist. You can only try to help them. The decision to change solely depends on the narcissist.

#4- Stop Dealing With It!

 Narcissistic abuse is real and is often fueled by the lack of empathy. Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and psychological abuse. If you’ve felt as if you’ve done all that you can or if the situation has gotten detrimental to your emotional & mental health, it might be time to leave.  Deciding to leave a narcissistic relationship takes courage. Narcissists can do real damage to the people around them. The mental and emotional scars left from loving a narcissist can be tremendous and long-lasting.  If you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s best to seek professional help for yourself also.

Is your partner not having sex? Here are reasons, that do not include cheating

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

”Adult children of narcissists experience love that’s conditional only “- Kathy Caprino

By Definition

According to Mayo Clinic : “Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. Behind this mask of ultra confidence, however lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs.”

Young children admire parents for support, love and guidance. When children are denied these things, in order to survive their environment, they develop a variety of beliefs, behavioral patterns, and coping mechanism. As they become older, adult children of narcissists use these same coping mechanisms, to their own ruin. Unfortunately, narcissistic parents often beget narcissistic children.

Ego and Achievements of Children

Narcissism runs on a spectrum and ranges from healthy narcissism to malignant narcissism. Many people may have narcissistic traits without being narcissists. Narcissism is not always absolute; It shows up sometimes, under the pretense of  “trying to do what’s best” for the child. Narcissistic parents feed their own ego through the achievements of their children. When raising children, creating an empathetic environment is crucial for proper development, acceptance and understanding of self. Children should know that they are heard, understood and loved.

The Signs of A Narcissistic Parent

Narcissistic attachment often occurs when the child believes that he or she exists only for the parent’s benefit. The parent is often very possessive and sees the child as a way to fulfill the constant need for attention, praise, and devoted attention.

Often, adult children of Narcissists :

• Have a fear of speaking up and stating their opinion
• Are hyper sensitive to what others feel
• Are very uncertain of themselves and their place in the world
• Are often in toxic or deeply unsatisfying relationships
• Are Codependent in  relationships
• Have Low Self Esteem
• Are unable to say “no” and establish boundaries
• Are Self-loathing

The Lasting Effects

More often than not, the children of narcissistic parents tend to be very insecure, overly-sensitive, and cannot see themselves as good enough. If these issues are not handled early,  later in life, adult children of narcissists unconsciously attract other narcissists through their adult relationships, and in their careers.

If any of the listed signs seem familiar, take steps to gain greater awareness. It will take solid therapeutic support to help you heal.
For more information, contact me at (470) 296-3090.  I’ll help you become one again.

Feeling Lonely? Here are three ways to feel better.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

“It is not the quantity of time that you spend with someone that matters, it is the quality of the time.”-Unknown

As a busy wife, mother and therapist, I have developed an understanding of the importance of maintaining proper work/life balance.

Kristen Harding from My Family Care explains that spending quality time together is important – it helps our children feel a greater sense of confidence and security, it builds stronger family bonds and it is good for our own emotional health. We must remember that the amount of time spent together matters just as much as how that time together is used.

Let’s explore reasons why properly managing your work, in order to make time for your family can heal you.

Better Communication

When most families spend quality time together, they experience an increase in positive mood and a decrease in stress levels. According to Psychology Today, many teenagers report that dinner is the main time of the day when they comfortably communicate with their parents.

A Better Relationship

I am very intentional about spending quality time with my family and I’m always happy to see the outcome. Planned time together enhances friendship and love in your relationship. It is also a determining factor in your children’s development. Children benefit immeasurably by having parents who are happy and who enjoy each other as a couple. Make time for each other. It will change your relationship.

A Better Life

It has been proven that people who carve out quality time with family cope better with stress. A study conducted by Carnegie Mellon University found that people use their family and friends as a stress buffer, and with family, people prefer talking about their problems instead of seeking negative coping mechanisms.
Properly balancing your work and spending time with family may also lengthen your life. Having a good relationship with marital partners, and children aids in maintaining positive health.

Here are findings from a recent WebMD story:

“..The good news for parents is they can easily make positive changes at home, says Robert Pressman, PhD. He’s the director of research at the New England Center for Pediatric Psychology and the study’s lead author.

Have regular family dinners, for example. They tend to happen at expected times and include conversation and information sharing. Parents can also shift their own habits and parenting styles in response to the study’s findings.

“These are all things that parents can do to make a difference,” Pressman says. “I think it’s going to change everything in terms of how we are going to interact with patients,” he adds. “We have hard data now that we didn’t have before. As a clinician, I know that I will have a greater impact.”

Research proves that family relationships can have notable effects on one’s overall life and health.

If you need help learning how to manage your work and your life, in order to build a stronger bond with the people you love, get in touch with me.
I’ll make your life and your family resilient.

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Considering your next date night? Read this article for date night ideas!

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.