Let’s be honest, no matter how sexy you find your partner, there’s nothing sexy about financial irresponsibility.
It can be difficult to spot an issue when you’re head over heels in love with your partner– but have no fear! I’m here to help you spot the financial red flags.
We’ve all chosen to ignore certain red flags in relationships and some red flags may be easy to spot. Financial red flags, however, can take much longer to recognize.
Below are a few behavioral patterns to look out for.
The False Achiever
If you’re an adult and you live in the United States, you probably have ( or have had) credit card debt. It’s common, like a right of passage to becoming an adult. A partner with a large amount of credit card debt, however probably wasn’t on your wish list. Having credit card debt isn’t necessarily a red flag. Someone who has racked up credit card debt because of unnecessary shopping and living way above their means is different than someone who has incurred credit card debt from emergency spendings due to unplanned unemployment.
Difficulties Maintaining Employment
Anyone can lose a job just as fast as they gain one. Staff reduction, company-wide layoffs, & company relocation are a few reasons for job loss. Losing a job on its own is not a red flag. What’s important is the reason for the job loss. A red flag indicator is a person who constantly loses jobs for trivial reasons–reasons such as absenteeism, problems controlling ones’ temper, & chronic lateness are all red flags.
Dishonesty
Lying can destroy the foundation of trust. If you find out that your partner is lying about their personal finances, you may feel angry, confused, and hurt. Remain as calm as possible during this conversation with your significant other. For many people, admitting a huge error is not always easy, especially when the other person is angry. Find out the reason for the lie in order to fully understand the gravity of the situation. Discovering certain things about your partner can be very discouraging. Rather than immediately freaking out and running in the opposite direction, discuss financial matters and find out exactly why he/she is in the current state. This will help you to better understand the situation and give you more clarity on how to proceed.
Be vigilant. And above all else, keep an open mind and understanding heart.
Sex life can fizzling out? the good news is there are ways to get it sizzling again. Take a look at your options.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
So you’re not having sex, huh? Whether it is impacting you
individually or not, I can assure you that there’s a major chance that your
relationship is taking a toll. This is not an unusual issue that occurs,
especially with married couples. But it’s not the wedding, vows, or commitment that
the two individuals have made to one another that turns down the heat in the relationship.
This is the misconception that many people have that prevents them from
committing or makes them want to wave the “DON’T DO IT” sign at the wedding
ceremony.
Marriage does not ruin your sex life, circumstances do. It
just so happens that some of these circumstances occur as a result of marriage.
Let’s take a closer look at some of the reasons you may be missing.
Newborn Baby
Carrying and delivering a baby can take a toll on a woman’s
body—some more than others. Labor complications, a decrease in confidence or
postpartum depression can all contribute to a woman feeling less sexual than
usual, or not sexual at all. Taking care of a newborn also means sleepless
nights; it’s only natural that sleep trumps sex. Don’t get me wrong; women
aren’t the only ones who experience a decrease in libido. In many cases, dad
will return to work sooner than mom. So juggling his job responsibilities by
day, and baby responsibilities at night can take a toll on his sex drive as
well.
Children
I know you’d hope that it gets better as they get older,
(and it will), but you may experience new challenges. Young children like to
co-sleep with their parents, and sometimes when one or both parents give in, it
can impede on your sex time. Let’s not forget the amount of time it takes to
raise a child. It’s easy for soccer practice, carpool drop-offs, and family
game night to invade the time you used to allocate towards your sex life. But
this doesn’t mean you should allow it to. It won’t always be easy, but taking
that time to maintain your connection will benefit your relationship, which
will also benefit your family dynamic.
The Stress of Busy
Schedules
It’s one thing to be too busy to have sex, but when you or
your partner feels burned out and mentally drained, your sex life can really
suffer. If you both still have the desire to initiate intimacy but feel that
there’s no time, there are simple remedies for this. Commit to taking a break
from work and children and fit in more quickie sessions.
A Loss in Connection
or Attraction
This is a major problem in relationships that often goes
unaddressed. But how do you tell your partner that your attraction to them has
decreased? The way this situation is handled in a relationship can make or
break the future of your relationship. Before having the conversation, figure
out why you’re having these feelings about your partner or the relationship.
Many times the loss of connection and attraction go hand-in-hand. Then at a
time that is appropriate for you both to have an in-depth discussion, bring it
up in a calm and non-accusatory tone. Once you both have that initial
conversation and decide you want to rebuild your relationship, I’d suggest
seeing a therapist to help you communicate more effectively and work through
the problems you have both been experiencing. This can help you both improve
your communication skills and open your eyes to understand what your partner
feels and how to be better for one another.
Sure there are many reasons why your sex life can fizzle
out, but the good news is there are ways to get it sizzling again. Take
a look at your options.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
Sometimes sex
just fizzles out. It’s a harsh reality that tends to turn people away from real
commitment, especially when it comes to marriage. But here’s the truth—marriage
doesn’t kill your sex life, circumstances do. Stress, trauma, kids, health,
hormones, distrust, unfaithfulness: these are the actual culprits that enter a
relationship and dissolve the intimacy. The good news is if you want to make
your relationship work and you’re both still in love with one another, it can
work. You can absolutely turn the heat back up and feel that desire for one
another again.
Talk it out
This is always where
you want to start. Open and honest communication can help you both reveal the
source of your disconnect. You can start to understand one another, and certain
behaviors that puzzled you now have meaning. And if you’re finding that things
aren’t becoming clear and you’re having trouble communicating effectively, I
would recommend seeing a therapist who can help guide your conversations. This
can help you both make the progress you need to uncover the reasons why you’re
not having sex, so you can take the necessary actions to get back on
track.
There’s a good chance that the more you both feel loved, the more you’ll want to make love.
Speak one another’s love language
Make a commitment to speak your
partner’s love language and vice versa. There’s a good chance that the more you
both feel loved, the more you’ll want to make love. This is a two-way street
though, so it won’t work if one person makes changes while the other just reaps
the benefits. Make sure you both have a clear understanding of what each of
your love languages, are and talk about the things you’d like to see and hear
from your partner. Keeping that open line of communication reduces confusion
and increases the happiness in your relationship.
Avoid binge drinking
While a cocktail or two has been known to loosen people up in
the bedroom, it can also be counterproductive. Alcohol is a depressant and can
decrease your libido in the long run. So, while you may be feeling good during
that fourth drink, you may also start to wind down a few hours later and lose
that excitement. Over time your sex drive can plummet drastically if you abuse
alcohol. A couple of drinks are okay, but moderation should always be
practiced.
Life can ramp up and steal the focus from your relationship, which can affect your sex life.
Sext—but keep it PG13
Sometimes life gets in the way, and couples or one individual forget about intimacy. It’s more common than you’d think, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. They have kids, their job is demanding, they’re taking care of family members, or they’re stressing about finances. Life can ramp up and steal the focus from your relationship, which can affect your sex life. So here’s what you do. The moment you realize that intimacy is being neglected in your relationship, take a stance. I recommend sexting because it helps to build up the emotion and give you both something to anticipate. Just try to remain suggestive and subtle throughout your messages. And I have two reasons for this:
Leave your partner wanting more and allow their imagination to run with your subtle messages.
Safeguard yourself from embarrassment in case someone catches a glimpse of your phone.
Exercise
Half an hour on the elliptical and a few crunches can work
wonders for your sex drive. Exercise gets the blood flowing through your sexual
organs which helps them do their best work to get you in the mood. Exercise is
also a great confidence booster; you’d be surprised what feeling comfortable in
your skin can do for your libido. When you feel good, you really start
to feel good. Your mood, energy, and endurance can all impact your
sex drive in the best ways.
Valentines Day is kind of like grapefruit
juice—either you love it, or the thought of it makes your face scrunch up in
disgust. No, really; some people really hate Valentine’s Day. But either way,
if you’re in a relationship and at least one of you starts eagerly counting
down the days once January hits, chances are, you’re celebrating with the rest
of the lovebirds.
I believe every couple can celebrate
Valentine’s Day in their own way. And of course, we should be expressing love
and passion all throughout the year, but this is a day for the world to
celebrate the meaning of love. And when it comes to the romantic meaning of
love, I have a few fun ideas for every stage of a couple’s relationship.
The New Relationship
Celebrating
Valentine’s Day as a new couple can be awkward, intimidating, and bursting with
pressure. But it doesn’t have to be. I’d say the most important thing you can
do with your new partner this Valentine’s Day is to communicate. Talk about
your feelings towards the day and whether you’re nervous about it. Even if you
aren’t, he/she may be. And if you both decide to keep it simple, I have a
couple of ideas to help you avoid awkward moments throughout the night.
Stay
in:Take the pressure off with a night off the town. Every restaurant
and bar will be crawling with couples exchanging googly eye, holding hands and
enjoying a romantic meal together. If you just started dating there’s no need
to avoid one another on Valentine’s Day. Instead, make it a regular date night.
Order takeout and binge a series you’ve never seen before. Or you can even make
dinner together.
Go
on a group date: Don’t feel like staying in? Gather
your friends and head out as a group instead. You both can still enjoy one
another’s company without the pressure of planning a romance-filled night.
The Comfortable Relationship
Now
let’s say you’ve been dating for over a year, you’ve both settled into your
relationship, and you’re completely comfortable with romance and intimacy—what
do you do? This is not the time to get too comfortable. Actually, there’s never
a time to get too comfortable. Use this Valentine’s Day as a stepping stone to
escape that comfort zone and shake up your relationship.
Try
something new: Now’s the time to get out your
bucket list and start ticking things off. Both of you each can plan something
new for you both to try Valentine’s Day night. This can be anything from a food
adventure to a new sexual experience. Just be mindful of what your partner may
or may not be comfortable with.
Take
a Staycation: You’d be surprised how many new
experiences you can enjoy without going too far. Checking into an intimate Bed
and Breakfast or a romantic cabin may be the getaway you’re both longing for.
And many of these establishments will have packages and itineraries to help you
get the most out of your stay. Embrace your new environment and maybe incorporate
the idea of trying something new while you’re away. Plus there’s a lot more
you can learn about your partner when you leave your city.
The Engaged Relationship
Planning
a wedding is fun and exciting, but it can also be stressful. But don’t worry;
you don’t have to stress over the perfect Valentine’s Day plans. Take February
14th off and do something that helps you both release and relax. Focus
on enjoying one another’s company and don’t allow the lists and budgets to
overshadow your beautiful future that’s ahead. These date night ideas should
help.
Enjoy
a comedy show: Laughter truly is medicine. Turn
that stress into happiness with the help of live comedy. Forget about the
responsibilities and focus on the jokes of the night. Then you both can talk
about that one joke that had you both in stitches over dinner. Warning: if the
comedian is THAT good, there will be spontaneous bursts of laughter every time
one of you remember a joke that night.
Hike
to the perfect picnic Spot: Some fresh air and a
little exercise can go a long way for both of your mental states. Pack a picnic
basket and head to a spot with a breathtaking view. You both can enjoy the outdoors
while dining on a decadent spread of wine, cheese, gourmet sandwiches, and dark
chocolate dipped strawberries.
The Newly Wed Relationship
You’re
still in your honeymoon stage, so romance is no issue for the both of you. But
your plans can go beyond the societal norms of dinner and a carriage ride. Use
your first Valentine’s Day to set the tone for your marriage with this idea.
Start a Tradition:It could be anything. Make this tradition special by incorporating your commonalities or focusing on your love for one another. Maybe you’ll both show love to your community together through volunteering. Or maybe you’d prefer to collect all the special quirks you love about each other and place them in a jar. You can open one each day or ever so often when you need a reminder of how much he/she loves you. These are good confidence boosters as well. (We all have our days.) Whatever you both come up with, make sure you’re having fun together.
The Seasoned Relationship
For
the season couple who has been together for 10 years and counting, I have a few
ideas to help you enjoy Valentine’s Day beyond your intimate dinner. Have
fun with your romance with these game ideas.
Play
sexy Simon Says: Take turns telling one another what you’d like the other person to
do, with each command becoming more intense and the game progresses. “Simon
says, kiss me for two minutes,” or, “Simon says to take off your shirt,” are
good starting points. And in true Simon
Says fashion, remember to follow the rules. If your partner messes up when
you don’t say ‘Simon says,’ create ‘punishments’ for them. You could request a
massage or get out of a chore. My favorite aspect of this game is that it
teaches you both to really listen to one another.
Find
the “X” that marks the spot: I can tell you right
now that this is a fun one. Allow your partner to explore your body by kissing
you until they find the place you’re thinking about. You can even give them a
clue or guide them by saying when they’re hot and cold. The prize? Well by the
time this foreplay-driven game is over, you both will feel like you’ve won.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
“Falling in love is easy, but staying in love is hard.”
I’m sure you have seen or heard his quote used in primetime dramas, romantic comedies, and relationship blogs—guilty. But it couldn’t be truer. The courting stage and even the first few years of marriage are usually filled with pure bliss. Your both madly in love and can’t spend enough time together. If you fast forward a few more years and the compliments and cuddles aren’t as consistent.
It’s normal, but the trick is to not get stuck in this rut. Don’t let time create space between you and your partner. Instead, make conscious decisions to maintain that strong bond you both had when you couldn’t keep your eyes or hands off of one another.
Speak to One Another
I’m not talking about discussing bills or parent-teacher conferences. Keep the focus on one another. The first question you both ask when either one of you walks in at night should be, “how was your day?” Take a few minutes to talk about how one another felt throughout the day, what happened and even throw in an “I missed you.” Sometimes we feel these emotions throughout the day, but don’t remember to communicate them later on. Set time aside a few times throughout the week to connect without distractions—no TV, phone or emails. You can even set a time to hit the sheets a little earlier.
Just touching your significant other’s hand can let them know “I’m thinking of you,” and “I’m here.” Whether it’s a hug, kiss or touch on the shoulder, anything that brings you together physically can connect you emotionally.
Touch One Another
Just placing a hand on his leg, or wrapping your arm around her neck as you relax on the couch can incite a connection without talking. It gives you a lot of time to reconnect. It can say “I love you,” “I missed you,” or “I care.” Just touching your significant other’s hand can let them know “I’m thinking of you,” and “I’m here.” Whether it’s a hug, kiss or touch on the shoulder, anything that brings you together physically can connect you emotionally. It doesn’t have to be sexual or lead to sex, but it is always intimate.
Have Foreplay All Day
Yes, you can leave one another to go to work and still engage in foreplay throughout the day. Who says foreplay only happens through physical touch? This is when couples think outside the box and have fun, just like in the early dating stages. Keep that same energy and initiate foreplay before you leave in the morning. Here’s an example:
After saying your goodbyes, whisper, “I can’t wait to come back home and see you later.” Then during the day, send a text, or even voice message saying, “I can’t stop thinking about you. You looked so gorgeous/handsome this morning.” When you’re leaving work, send another text or give them a call and say, “I’m excited to be heading home so I can hold you tonight.”
These messages aren’t blunt or sexual per se, but that’s the beauty of them. They will make your partner feel a special, intimate connection that you both will want to act on later that night.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose.
If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
There’s a reason why the phrase “you need to get laid,” was coined. Of course, movies and television shows have overused the phrase as a punch line for comedic effect, but the idea behind it is very real.
Having a healthy sex life benefits both you and your partner as a unit and as individuals. Good sex can be a powerful force that increases happiness and improves your mental and physical health, helping you feel more alert and revived.
These are just a few ways you can benefit from a regular orgasm.
It can keep you active
You can’t equally replace your 30-minute gym session with sex, but every little bit counts, right? Exploring different positions can be a bonus workout for the both of you. And it may even act as motivation to stick to your workout routine, so you both can maintain your stamina.
It helps with stress and anxiety
That feeling that comes after the sensation of an orgasm is stress leaving your body. We release so much pent-up tension when we have sex so your body and mind can just dwell in the pleasure. Sometimes when you’re feeling overwhelmed with life, getting intimate may be just what you need to relax and clear your mind.
It can relieve pain
Sometimes a good orgasm is all it takes to get rid of that headache. We release oxytocin every time we orgasm, which acts as a natural pain reliever. So before reaching for the ibuprofen, you might want to see if your partner has the cure for your discomfort.
It increases your connection with your partner
To think that sex is one of the most important aspects of a relationship is not superficial; it’s true. The physical touch and intimacy of sex can help you both stay intuned with one another emotionally and physically. Oxytocin is also considered the bonding hormone that helps increase your connection with one another. That’s why many of us have such a strong urge to cuddle after having sex.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose.
If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
When is the last time you masturbated in your relationship?
Sounds more like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? “Why would I help myself when someone can do it with me?”
Look at it this way: everyone needs me-time. Sure, you and your partner are now a dynamic duo, but who says either of you can’t go solo? Relationships have a tendency of making us forget about that me-time, whether you used to enjoy diving into a good book or exploring your own body.
Taking the self-guided tour is often reserved for singles who are in between relationships or couples who aren’t happy in their current one. But what about the happy couples—don’t they deserve to enjoy the thrill of it all?
Of course, they do.
Masturbation is fun; it’s a form of self-love and self-exploration. And including it in your relationship could bring you both closer together as a couple.
Go Solo
There are several reasons why people would masturbate without their partner present. You may have a higher libido and need a top up, or maybe your partner is away on a trip and you’re in the mood. In some cases, they may be in the other room and you just feel like you need some ‘alone time.’ Masturbation isn’t cheating and doesn’t hurt anyone, so you are free to roam your body as you please. Besides, knowing what you like and how you like it can help you guide your partner and increase the pleasure in the bedroom.
Imagine: you’re both laying face to face, eyes locked and occasionally roaming up and down your bodies
Go Solo Together
This is a very intimate act and can take your relationship to the next level. The vulnerability of it all can bring about increased appreciation for one another and help you both feel even more connected. Imagine: you’re both laying face to face, eyes locked and occasionally roaming up and down your bodies, while you both take care of yourselves. Can’t wait to try it, can you?
Buy Toys Together
Pick out a few fun toys you are both comfortable with and open to trying. The experience alone is exciting and can work as foreplay for what’s about to come. When you go home, you can choose to play with them together or watch one another play with them separately.
Demonstrate
Take your partner to the School of You. Put on a show to demonstrate how you like to be touched. Be sure to include your favorite moves that they often make on your body to assure them that your regular intercourse is a pleasurable experience. Introduce a few techniques that you’d like him/her to try. Some lesson planning may be involved to prepare for your class, but it will be so worth it. And if your partner has a role-playing fantasy, this would be a good opportunity to pull out a pair of glasses and a button down.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose.
If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
Let’s cut to the chase. If you find your partner masturbating, what would you do?
A. Storm away in anger?
B. Walk away worried that you’re not desirable?
C. Quietly back out hoping they didn’t notice you?
D. Ditch your clothes and join?
If you answered “A” or “B,” you’re not alone, but you could use a shift in perspective. Here’s the truth: masturbation isn’t reserved for singles who are desperate for an orgasm and it certainly doesn’t have to always be a last resort when it’s ‘been a while.’ Masturbation is a sexual act that anyone can enjoy, whether you’re in a relationship or not.
Sit back, relax and take pleasure in knowing that your partner occasionally giving him/herself a hand isn’t a reflection on you. Here are 5 reasons your reaction should be closer to C. or D.
It isn’t Cheating
There’s no other person. Everyone has different interpretations and levels of cheating, but masturbation doesn’t count. Kissing someone else, having sex with someone else, even getting emotionally involved with someone else can be considered cheating. But in this case, another individual has not violated the intimacy in your relationship, so you can rest assured that your partner’s loyalty still lies with you.
Masturbation is a form of self-love because it’s healthy and it makes them feel good—okay, incredible.
It’s Not You, It’s Them
You might initially feel that your partner’s attraction to you is fading or you’re doing something wrong in the bedroom but it’s most likely about them. Masturbation is a form of self-love because it’s healthy and it makes them feel good—okay, incredible. For the health of your relationship, you should openly communicate about masturbation with your partner. Put each other’s mind at ease by affirming that you both are sexually pleased by one another and if there’s room for improvement, it’s important to respectfully verbalize this as well.
It Shows Their Sex Drive is Healthy
Masturbation is an indication that your significant other’s sexual organs are working the way they should be. They have an urge and they want to satisfy it. Most of the time, this will involve you, but on occasion, they may just want to take a quick solo trip.
It Means They Know That They ‘Like it Like THAT’
Think of it as research…for YOU. They know what excites them, which means increased pleasure when you’re both having sex. And you know what that means, right? Amazing sex—a win-win!
It Can Help With Mismatched Libido
This isn’t uncommon. The love of your life’s sex drive can be higher than yours and vice-versa, but you can still enjoy a happy relationship regardless. Masturbation can help in times when your partner’s libido is in overdrive so you don’t have to feel guilty if you’re just not in the mood.
Like most things in life, I say masturbation in moderation. If you’re single, go to town every day if you’d like, but if you have a partner, masturbation should be complementary to sex with your partner. Don’t allow it to steal the show in your relationship—this could indicate a problem. If you find that masturbation has substituted for sex with your partner, I’d recommend speaking to a couple’s therapist who can help you both identify the issues and build your connection again.
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose.
If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.
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