Relationship Advice

Arguing may not be ideal, but there’s a right way and wrong way to do it. Here are 4 things you should never say during an argument.

Instead of “I hate you” try paying attention to your emotions and what’s causing you to feel this way. Why are you angry?
The words “I hate you” should never be used when talking to a loved one. Do you really hate the person you’re talking to? Or do you just hate how the action made you feel? If not, then don’t say it. If you must say the word, be specific about your feelings. For example, rather than saying “I hate you”, say “I hate how this made me feel” or “I hate when this happens”.

Instead of “You always/never”, try being specific about the problem and the change you’d like to see.
These generalizations can make a person feel unappreciated, as if you only see their wrongdoings. “Always” and “never” are usually an exaggeration and it overlooks any effort.

Instead of “That’s stupid/ridiculous” try saying: “I don’t agree”
These dismissive comments are rude, insensitive, and it can make the other person feel as though you believe their feelings are far more important than theirs.

Instead of “I’m leaving if…”, try stating your specific desires and expectations.
This goes for “I’m leaving if…” or any other ultimatum. These statements can make a person feel forced and even if your needs are met, it will very likely be done begrudgingly. Ultimatums can also cause the other person to doubt your true intentions.

It’s best to stay clear of comments that you may later have to apologize from. Name calling, blaming, and criticizing can trigger the listener. It’s never a good way to encourage someone to change. It makes people defensive, leaving very little room to hear anything important you might say.

During a disagreement, take as many deep breaths and breaks as you need. It’s best to continue the conversation later when you’re calm (this also lessens the chances of saying something you’ll later regret). Remember that it’s not about winning. It’s about resolving a conflict.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Last week, we focused on identifying the different attachment styles. Let’s shift our focus today on developing secure attachments in relationships. This will help to build strong, healthier connections.

Insecure attachment is a fear-based relationship style- the deep, even unconscious fear of abandonment or unmet needs. An insecure attachment style can come from inconsistent or unreliable parenting (the child’s needs were only met sometimes) and unavailable, or abusive parents. As a result, the child develops an unhealthy attachment style as an adult (such as having mistrust, abandonment issues, clinginess, insecurities, and not forming close bonds).

Check out these strategies and tools that can help you develop healthy attachments and maintain strong, lasting, and healthy bonds.

Learn More About Your Attachment Style – Once you’ve identified your attachment style, start learning more about it. This will help get a better grip on anxiety.

Set Boundaries– It’s important to set and enforce boundaries and respect the boundaries that your loved ones have set. Knowing that your wishes are respected can deepen and maintain strong connections.

Learn Your Triggers– Know what pushes your buttons so that you can clearly express them to your loved ones. Set up a strategy to redirect the intense feelings.

Time-outs– If it’s normal for you to overreact during triggering conversations, distance yourself from the situation for sometime. When you’re emotionally flooded, it’s challenging to clearly express yourself and it’s likely that the person listening will misinterpret what you’re attempting to communicate. Express to them that you’re feeling overwhelmed and you need a break. Take some time to cool down, think about how you feel, and revisit the situation with a clear mind.

Therapy– Therapy can help you learn how to effectively communicate and set healthy relationship goals.

Stop Trying to Mind Read– Don’t assume you know what someone is thinking. Instead, simply ask. Trying to mind read can lead you to jump to conclusions and worst-case scenarios. This can cause you to make mistakes and hurt people. For example, by prematurely breaking up with your partner after a fight because you assume that they’re going to call it off.

Changing your attachment style may not easy, but it’s possible.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

We all have our individual attachment style. Attachment styles are ways of relating to people in relationships. Some people are very clingy, while some are unattached, while others vacillate between the two with a “push-pull” dynamic. According to the attachment theory, which was first developed by psychologist Mary Ainsworth and psychiatrist John Bowlby in the 1950s, our adult attachment styles are shaped and developed early in life in response to our relationships with our earliest caregivers. Essentially, attachment styles usually mirror the dynamics we had with our caregivers. Once it’s established, it is a style that remains and sets the stage for how we relate in intimate relationships.

So, what are the different attatchment styles? Let’s delve in.

First, there’s the Secure attachment. Just as the name says, people with a secure attachment are just that. Secured. Individuals with this attachment style form stable relationships where trust and respect are mutual and where the dependency on one another and expectations are healthy and balanced. They’re not afraid of intimacy, they know how to draw boundaries, and they accept and show vulnerability with ease because they’re comfortable with their emotions. They’re also are not afraid to leave an unhealthy relationship. This is the only healthy attachment style.
Early Years: Individuals with this attachment style usually had their needs met as children in a safe, nurturing environment. As infants/children, they felt comfortable around their parents and had a clear understanding of how they should be treated.

The second attachment style is Anxious attachment. Anxiously attached people tend to be very insecure about their relationships. Because of their strong fear of rejection or abandonment, they often worry that their partner will leave them. Thus, constantly wanting validation and exhibiting neediness or clingy behavior (such as getting anxious when their partner doesn’t text back fast enough and constantly feeling like their partner doesn’t care enough).
Early Years: An anxious attachment is developed in childhood when the child receives an unreliable and inconsistent amount of love and care. As young children, they may cling to caregivers, be desperate for their attention. or become inconsolable when a caregiver leaves.

When Mary Ainsworth (the psychologist that helped to develop the attachment theory) assessed children’s attachment patterns at 12 to 18 months, noted that when the children with anxious attachment were reunited with their mothers, they were confused, dazed or agitated; staring off into space and avoiding direct eye contact with her. They remained intensely focused on their mother, but did not seem to be satisfied or comforted. The narrow focus and limited responses of these children prevented any further play or exploratory behavior.

(The other names for this attachment style are anxious-preoccupied and ambivalent attachment)

The third is Avoidant attachment. People with this attachment style tend to have trouble getting close to others. You can be around them, but they’ll keep you at arm’s length and won’t let you in. If they’re ever hurt, disappointed, or feel abandonment of any form, they will vow to never again be placed in such a position of need. They have such a deep-seated fear of intimacy that they even avoid and deny their own feelings. These individuals often isolate themselves and prefer living an independent lifestyle.
Early Years: During childhood, only a portion of their needs were met. For instance, they may have been fed, but they were emotionally neglected because their parents were emotionally distant. Their parents expected them to be independent and tough.
Because of the emotional, physical, or relational unavailability from childhood, they’ve decided to only trust and rely on themselves.

Lastly, there’s the Fearful-avoidant attachment. It’s a combination of both the anxious and avoidant attachment styles. This attachment style is often seen in people who have been physically, verbally, or sexually abused or neglected in their childhood. People with fearful-avoidant attachment crave affection, connection, and love, but they’re reluctant to trust and connect with others. They even feel unworthy of love…so they remain independent and distant. In fact, when they’re pushed to open up, they may completely shut down.
Early Years: These individuals often experienced a chaotic childhood environment, in fear of their abusive parents. Their parents may have been suffering from PTSD, personality disorders, or depression.

Essentially, babies and children who have their needs met and receive love and support are likely to develop secure, healthy relationships, while babies and children who don’t have their needs met and who experience inconsistency or negligence are likely to be anxious, avoidant, and even fearful in relationships.

Though most people develop their attachment style from infancy, it’s possible to change it. Stay tuned for the next topic: Developing Secure Attachments.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

A new relationship can feel exciting, but sometimes, as the newness wears off, it can feel boring and stale. You don’t have to stay bored in your relationship forever. Check out these 5 ways to keep your relationship exciting and fresh.

1- Send Text Messages

We could all use some encouragement throughout our day or a reminder that a loved one is thinking about us. These sorts of texts can help to build a stronger connection. Send encouraging or loving texts throughout your day and don’t hesitate to include flirty or funny texts also. This can build anticipation for the next time you’ll see one another.

2-Schedule Regular Date Night
You don’t have to stop dating just because you’ve been together for a while. Schedule regular date nights so you can spend quality time together as a couple. Date night allows you to de-stress and relax around each other, all while rekindling the romance.

3- Try New Activities Together
Participating in a new activity together can keep the relationship exciting. You can learn a new language together, go bike riding, start having regular picnincs at a park, take a cooking class, take dance lessons or even volunteer at a soup kitchen together. Learning new things together can help you grow as a couple and it can keep your relationship interesting.

4-Spend Time with Other Couples
Spending time with other couples who have strong, healthy relationships can be great. The positive influence can help reinforce the importance of commitment and remind you why you fell in love. Spending time with other couples can even show you what you don’t want in your relationship.

5- Surprise Each Other

Chances are your partner probably hasn’t stopped liking cute little surprises. You can still surprise your partner with their favorite flowers, their favorite meal, a teddy bear, a gadget, or even their favorite snack…and it doesn’t have to be on a special occasion. Infact, surprising them on a regular day could make them feel even more special.

Routine can make relationships feel boring, but remember that it doesn’t have to stay that way. By being together for a while, you actually have an advantage. You’ve now learned the likes and dislikes of your partner. This will be useful for refreshing your relationship.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Are you in a healthy relationship? Are you looking for one? Healthy relationships bring out the best in you. A healthy relationship does not mean a “perfect” relationship (that isn’t realistic), but healthy relationships, though not always easy, are tangible.

The signs below are behaviors we should strive for in all of our relationships. Check out these characteristics and behaviors of a healthy relationship.

Trust Is at the Core of the Relationship
The lack of trust can leave you unsure of whether you can even count on your partner, but trust can make you feel safe and secured, fostering an even stronger connection.

You Know Each Other’s Love Language
You’ve probably heard of the book called The 5 Love Languages by now. In it, you discover your partner’s “love language” — the way they prefer to give and receive love. In healthy relationships, individuals take time to learn each other’s “love language” so you can both express your love in a way that you understand and accept.

Mutual Respect
In healthy relationships, people show respect through treating each other in ways that don’t degrade, deprive, or belittle. They value each other’s time and opinions like they value their own and they protect each other’s privacy. These characteristics are shown regardless of whether they disagree or are upset with one another.

You Encourage Each Other to Go After Your Goals
A healthy relationship naturally brings out the best in you and you are encouraged to be the best you can be.

Individuality
While mutual interests are great, it’s important to still live your own life ( have friendships, professional goals, and hobbies that are aside from your partner). In a healthy relationship, there is adequate overlap to keep the connection strong, but each person has aspects of their lives that are theirs alone, and that boundary is respected by both parties.

Gratitude
Grateful couples are usually more satisfied in their relationships and feel closer to each other. Relationships can fail when partners begin to take each other for granted. In a research done by the national library of medicine, it was found that the reported feelings of gratitude (of participants) towards a romantic partner predicted who would stay in their relationships and who would break up nine months later. The more grateful participants were, the more likely they were to still be in their relationship.
Showing gratitude goes beyond saying “thank you” after your partner takes out the trash. Gratitude includes appreciating not just what your partner does, but who they are as a person. You’re not just thankful that your partner took out the trash—you’re thankful that you have a partner who is thoughtful enough to know you hate taking out the trash. Gratitude means thinking about all of your partner’s best traits (and even your not so favorite ones that challenge you to be better) and remembering why you entered a relationship.

Healthy Conflict Resolution
The way a couple argues — or doesn’t — can predict a lot about their relationship’s success. Healthy relationships refrain from stonewalling and escalating into personal attacks when there is a difference of opinion or a problem. They are able to talk it through with patience, respect, empathy, and understanding.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Dance has always been a part of human culture. There are so many forms of dance that you can’t go wrong in doing it! Many of us enjoy dancing (whether in public or private), but did you know of all of the ways it could benefit us?

Physical
Dancing improves cardiovascular health. Professional ballroom dancer and certified personal trainer Leon Turetsky says that all styles of dance make for great cardio workouts since your heart rate gets challenged from executing the different moves.
Dancing incorporates movements on all planes of motion (sagittal, frontal and transverse) and from all directions, which can improve balance and strength.

Mental
Dancing can maintain and even boost your ability to think as you age because the areas of the brain that control memory and skills, such as planning and organizing, improve with exercise like dance.
Your brain is constantly being exercised while you’re dancing because you’re required to focus on both the constant changing of movement and remembering the moves. Dancing challenges your brain.

Mood Booster/Combats stress
Dancing helps improve your mental and emotional health by raising endorphin levels, which results in reduced stress and decreased symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Dancing also boosts self-esteem. It makes you more comfortable in your own skin, which builds confidence.

Self-expression
Unfortunately, many people have jobs that make it challenging to show their creativity and self-expression. Dance can be a creative outlet that expresses inner feelings, thoughts and experiences.
Dancing makes life more fun. It doesn’t matter what type of dance you enjoy, as long as you are moving to the beat, your body and mind benefit.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Letting go of the pain that someone caused you is not always easy, but it is possible. Many people seek to hurt the person that caused them pain, but that won’t make th

Letting go of the pain that someone caused you is not always easy, but it is possible. Many people seek to hurt the person that caused them pain, but that won’t make the pain won’t go away.

Identify your reason for not wanting to forgive. Ask yourself why it’s so hard to forgive that person.

The fear of disappointment can hinder us from forgiving and becoming vulnerable again, but keep in mind that if you choose to never again trust the other person, the relationship could be stagnant and eventually end.
If you are working to rebuild trust, remain open and honest about your needs, expectations, and feelings of doubt.

When you are hurt, you have a right to feel angry, but remember that holding on to negative emotions long term can withhold your happiness and your ability to reason.
Holding on to grudges can be another tactic to hurt someone the way they hurt you, but grudges can hurt you just as much-especially if you’re connected to the other person.

Choosing to stay in the relationship doesn’t mean you’ve forgiven them and forgiving them doesn’t mean you have to stay. Whatever you decide, let it be the best choice for you- and remember to let it go…because forgiveness is essential for your happiness. Forgive and release yourself from the rage and pain. Not just for your loved ones, but also for you.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

People pleasing may not sound all that bad. After all, what’s so bad about being nice, right? At first glance, people pleasing may seem harmless, but it’s a very detrimental habit that erodes one’s happiness overtime.

Could you or someone you know be a people pleaser? Below are the classic signs.

Approval Seeking

⦁ You need others to like/praise you.
⦁ You worry about rejection.
⦁ You have a strong desire to be needed.
⦁ You depend on validation.
⦁ The constant validation makes you feel needed and useful.
⦁ A lot of your self-worth rests on what others think about you.
⦁ Though you don’t often boast, you need to be showered with compliments.

You Can’t Say No

⦁ If you ever say no, it’s rare and very difficult.
⦁ You feel guilty for saying no.
⦁ When you say yes and actually follow through, you grieve going or doing the task…or you later fake a catastrophe to get out of your commitments.
⦁ You often find yourself exacerbated from taking on too many tasks at work, and committing to too many responsibilities in your personal life.
⦁ You’re constantly stressed.
⦁ You worry that people won’t like you if you say no.

You Immediately Agree, Even When You Don’t Really Agree.

⦁ You agree to the opinions and choices of others in efforts to make them like you.
⦁ Even when you want to speak up for yourself, you are too nervous.
⦁ You appear as an easy-going, laid-back person.
⦁ Your boundaries aren’t clear and enforced.
⦁ You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.

You Morph to Reflect The People Around You.

⦁ You constantly morph into matching the behaviors, personalities, and expectations of others.
⦁ Morphing has become such a habit that sometimes, you don’t even know what you want or how you feel.
⦁ You struggle with your identity.

You Constantly Apologize

⦁ You apologize even if you aren’t at fault.
⦁ Sometimes you excessively blame yourself and other times, you fear other people blame you.
⦁ You feel uncomfortable when others apologize to you. You even overcompensate after they apologize.

You Feel Responsible For the Feelings of Others.

⦁ You constantly involve yourself involve in other people’s feelings.
⦁ Empathy overload is a common feeling for you.

Low Self-Esteem

⦁ You depend on others to boost your self-esteem.
⦁ Your self worth depends on validation.
⦁ You feel lonely when you aren’t receiving attention.

You Struggle With Voicing Your Own Opinion

⦁ Even when your feelings are hurt, you find it difficult to speak up about it.
⦁ Overtime, this results in you becoming passive aggressive.
⦁ You allow other people to make the decisions rather than offering your personal preferences.

While being a reliable, well-rounded friend, family member, or employee is important, it’s equally as important to be aware of and express how you feel and what you think. You should come first in your own life. You can never truly reach your full potential or remain genuinely happy if your self-worth is connected to other people’s opinions and if you don’t acknowledge your own feelings and thoughts.

The habit of people pleasing may take some time to break. That’s because it usually takes years to form, however, just like any other habit, it can be broken.

Stay tuned for our next topic, “How to Break Free From People-Pleasing”.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Anxiety attacks and panic attacks are often seen as the same thing, but they are two very different things. They are different in how long they last, how they’re triggered, and how they’re treated. It’s important to understand the difference between anxiety attack vs. panic attack so that you can accurately treat them.

Anxiety attacks usually have a gradual onset, whereas panic attacks have an immediate onset. Anxiety attacks are usually caused by a specific situation that can be pinpointed as the cause for the anxiety attack, but most frequently, no cause can be pinpointed as the reason for the panic attack. Though there have been studies that suggest there are precursors to panic attacks, these precursors may not be noticeable to the patient if they are not paying close attention to their bodies. The study found that up to 45 minutes before a panic attack, there were changes in respiratory and heart rate functions. This does not mean that panic attacks have a cause necessarily. It simply shows that the body does build up to the panic attack, regardless of how sudden it may seem.

Signs & Symptoms Of A Panic Attack

A racing or pounding heartbeat
chest pain
dizziness or lightheadedness
hot flashes or chills
nausea
numbness or tingling in the extremities
shaking
shortness of breath
stomach pain
sweating
the feeling of being choked or smothered
People experiencing a panic attack may also:
feel a loss of control
feel like they are going crazy
have a sudden fear that they will die
feel detached from themselves, which is called depersonalization, and feel detached from their surroundings
Symptoms of panic tend to peak after 10 minutes, then gradually subside, but it seem longer because several panic attacks can occur in a row.

Signs & Symptoms Of An Anxiety Attack

Symptoms may become more pronounced over a few minutes or hours. They are typically less intense than those of panic attacks.
Symptoms include:
being easily startled
chest pain
dizziness
dry mouth
fatigue
fear
irritability
loss of concentration
muscle pain
numbness or tingling in the extremities
a rapid heart rate
restlessness
shortness of breath
sleep disturbances
the feeling of being choked or smothered
worry and distress
Anxiety symptoms often last longer than the symptoms of a panic attack. They may persist for days, weeks, or months.

Risk Factors

People are more likely to experience panic attacks if they have:
an anxious personality
another mental health issue, such as depression, bipolar disorder, or an anxiety disorder
family members with anxiety or panic disorders
a chronic medical condition, such as a thyroid disorder, diabetes, or heart disease
issues with alcohol or drug abuse
ongoing stresses in their personal or professional lives
experienced a stressful event, such as a divorce or bereavement
experienced trauma in the past
witnessed a traumatic event
Females are more likely than males to have anxiety or panic attacks.

What To Do During An Attack

If you feel an anxiety or panic attack coming on, try the following:
Take slow, deep breaths. When you feel your breath quickening, focus your attention on each inhale and exhale.
Recognize and accept what you’re experiencing. Remind yourself that the symptoms will pass and you’ll be alright.
Use relaxation techniques. Relaxation techniques include guided imagery, aromatherapy, and muscle relaxation. If you’re experiencing symptoms of anxiety or a panic attack, try doing things that you find relaxing. Close your eyes, take a bath, or use lavender, which has relaxing effects.

Lifestyle Changes

The following lifestyle changes can help you prevent anxiety and panic attacks, as well as reduce the severity of symptoms when an attack occurs:
Reduce and manage sources of stress in your life.
Learn how to identify and stop negative thoughts.
Get regular, moderate exercise.
Eat a balanced diet.
Join a support group for people with anxiety or panic attacks.
Limit your consumption of alcohol, drugs, and caffeine.
If you’ve had anxiety or panic attacks, you should seek out some professional help.

These tips can help you identify if you are having anxiety attack vs. panic attack, but only a licensed and experienced therapist can help you address the issues.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.