Butterflies can make us do some crazy things. I’m talking about the ones you feel in your stomach after meeting someone amazing and falling in love. Those butterflies push people to make major life decisions like move across the country, leave jobs, and even push people away. Now, I’m all for a romantic gesture, and there’s nothing wrong with moving to be with someone you love, but isolating your friends and family isn’t exactly romantic.
You may not see it as isolation when you’re in that honeymoon stage, but refraining from returning calls, bailing on plans, and sending fewer texts are the first stages of pushing your support system out of your life. And calling them about a couple’s dispute does not count. Your friends can’t be just an outlet that listens to you complain if your partner has stopped sending you good morning messages.
Here are 3 reasons your relationship can benefit from outside friendships.
You Cannot Fulfill All of His/Her Needs
It’s not fair or healthy to expect your partner to fill the role of being your entire support system. Sure, your relationship can be built on friendship, and you both can feel like family, but it can be overwhelming to be someone’s ‘Everything.’ If you ever need someone to vent to about a recent disagreement, who do you turn to? Sure, you’re not going to run to someone every time you both get into an argument, but occasionally an outside perspective can benefit your relationship.
When you give up friends, hobbies and habits to make more time for your partner, you’re stripping away the things that attracted them to you.
Losing Friends Can Lead to Losing Yourself
When your partner fell for you, he/she didn’t just fall for you. They fell for your interests, hobbies, intelligence, and lifestyle. They liked who you were at the time that they met you. So when you give up certain things to make more time for your partner, you’re stripping away the things that attracted them to you. This includes reading, going to museums, running, and your friends. Even
It Can Lead to Codependency
When you feel like your partner is all you have and vice versa, your relationship can become very unhealthy pretty quickly. There’s no one else you can talk to or spend time with, and you depend heavily on one another for everything, which can put a major strain on you both individually and as a couple. You may also start feeling as though you need to do anything in your power to keep him/her from leaving you—even if it means never saying ‘no, putting up with abuse, or sacrificing your happiness to please your partner. These are all signs of codependency and can develop when you feel you have no support system.
Even if you wake up one day with the realization that you’re unhappy with your partner, it will be even harder to leave knowing that you’ve isolated your family and friends. But just because it will be difficult doesn’t mean it will be impossible. It’s never too late to reach out to someone and attempt to make amends. Whether you’ve come to a point where you feel completely alone, or you feel bad because you’ve started to push your friends away, honesty is your best option. I wouldn’t suggest telling them how busy you are and how many things have come up in the recent weeks or months. Let them know that you fell in love and got carried away with the thrill of having this person around all the time. Tell them that you miss them and you’re sorry that you took their friendship for granted and isolated yourself from them. Even if they choose not to forgive you right away, they’ll respect your honesty.
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