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When you’re in a relationship, discussing finances probably isn’t on the list of favorite topics. Some would rather crawl under a rock, than discuss their finances. According to a new survey,”Some (people) may be hesitant to reveal poor past decisions or may be concerned that financial details could change the landscape of the relationship,”

In a relationship, there should be no stone left unturned. Discuss everything! Yes, everything… even the topics that feel uncomfortable.

Below, I’ve listed a few mistakes that couples make regarding their finances and resolutions that can be made to help,

One Person Solely Handling the Finances

The relationship consists of two people, therefore there should be two people involved in the handling of finances. Often times in a relationship, this isn’t the case. Sure, sometimes, there may be one “financial nerd” between the two of you (someone that prefers doing all of the calculations and is more eager to handle the finances) and that’s okay. But there should never be only one person handling the finances 100% of the time. Learn to budget as well, ask your partner to help you understand money handling tips. Report strange charges on your account. In no relationship should only one person be making 100% the decisions.

Not Making Financial Goals

Too often, couples assume that being in love automatically means that both parties share the same financial goals.  It’s normal to have different financial goals at first. However, as a couple, it should not remain that way. Find time to write down and prioritize each of your financial goals, then share your goals with each other, and implement them.

Not Sharing Their Earnings In a Relationship

It isn’t very common for both parties to make the same amount of money. Typically, one person makes more money than the other.

Those extra zeros at the end of a paycheck could make one person feel they have leverage over the other. Making the most money could also give a false sense of entitlement in (1) disregarding the financial agreements made in the relationship &  (2) control/solely determining how and where the other partner spends money. These issues of control will undoubtedly lead to strife and possibly resentment.  Remember that you and your partner are on the same team. This does not mean that each person is not allowed financial autonomy. As wise as it is to save, it’s also just as wise to have money aside, each month (or however often the two of you decide) to splurge.

So many missteps can (and probably will) be made while managing money with your partner. Remember that we are imperfect beings and all subject to make financial mistakes. Be patient with yourself,
create a budget, save and enjoy the money you’ve worked hard for!

If you need assistance on this, or any other challenges, we can help. Contact us for your free 30 minute consultation.

Learn how to reduce depression.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Globally, about one million people die each year from suicide, and one person commits suicide every 40 seconds. This was the tenth leading cause cause of death in America in 2017; currently, the country ranks 27th in the world with 15.3 suicides per 100,000 people.

Mental illness is often a taboo subject that many people ignore or dismiss as a less “important” illness. Most suicides have a diagnosable mental disorder, including depression. And with diagnosis comes a wealth of treatment options.

Depression: Signs That It’s Time to Get Help

Even people who appear perpetually happy find themselves in an occasional funk. But if you experience significant, unshakable feelings of hopelessness and despair, it’s time to reach out. Depression doesn’t look the same for everyone, but there are many common symptoms that signal you should get help:

• Constantly feeling tired.
• Sleeping too little or too much.
• Feeling always on edge and annoyed by everyone and everything.
• Losing your appetite.
• Experiencing chronic pain.
• Giving up on self-care.
• Losing interest in everything, including activities that used to bring you pleasure.
• Consciously choosing to isolate yourself from the world.
• Experiencing consistent pessimistic thoughts or feelings of self-loathing.
• Struggling to remember things or concentrate.
• Feeling numb without emotion — no happiness or sadness.
• Having regular, constant thoughts about dying.

In addition to depression, another major risk factor for suicide is substance abuse. Depressed and/or impulsive people often engage in high-risk behaviors that can lead to substance use and abuse. Addicts who suffer from withdrawal or intoxication make rash decisions because of impaired judgment. Their impulsivity also increases the possibility that they may commit suicide while also decreasing the likelihood that they will reach out for help.

Hopefully, you haven’t experienced suicidal thoughts. If you have, however, please seek help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline offers 24/7 support and a wealth of resources. If you want to seek professional help, many insurance companies cover mental health , so check your policy to see if you qualify. Also, for seniors enrolled in Medicare, counseling is covered under Medicare Part B. Additionally, seniors get one free depression screening every year, so make use of that resource if necessary.

Improving Your Emotional Health

If you experience depression, you can work to improve your emotional health. These steps may not remove all the pain, and it never hurts to connect with your doctor for stronger support to reset your emotional well-being. However, in the shorter term, consider incorporating some of these ideas into your daily routine:

• Whether you hit the gym each day, take a walk during your lunch break, or play with your kids at the park, exercise can decrease symptoms of mild or moderate depression.
• Invest in a new hobby. Some experts believe that cultivating a passion that brings joy is critical to strong emotional health.
• Eat and drink well. There’s nothing wrong with indulging in poutine or coffee crisps once in a while, but moderation is definitely key.
• Practice yoga or meditation. It’s an excellent way to manage feelings of stress.
• Stick to a healthy sleeping habit. Getting enough sleep results in more energy, better productivity, and reduced stress.
• Cultivate a circle of good, supportive friends. Researchers have conducted multiple studies that conclusively prove that having friends helps release stress and even helps promote brain health. Having a tribe on whom you can depend—who provide a listening ear when you need to get things off your chest—is critical to your emotional well-being.

Maintaining your emotional equilibrium can pose many challenges, especially when your world implodes and stress piles upon your shoulders. You shouldn’t view taking the time to care for your mental self as a luxury, but rather a necessity. If, however, you’re struggling to maintain the bare minimum of living and can’t shake feelings of anxiety or depression — or the simple self-care tips that worked before have lost their efficacy, and you’re seriously considering suicide — please seek professional help.

If you need assistance on this, or any other challenges, we can help. Contact us for your free 30 minute consultation.

Learn how to reduce depression.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

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Aaahh, new love and sweet bliss– It’s as if you’re in paradise, or on a soft cloud. You’re feeling blissful and you’re putting off the serious and much needed discussions about your finances and your dreaded student loan debt.

Having certain discussions with your significant other, can make you feel as if someone just blew your cloud away.

Sometimes, conversations about finances can make people feel uncomfortable. If you are in a serious relationship, however, discussing finances for the future, past and present, is a must.
How do you start such an uncomfortable, dreaded conversation, anyway? and what do you say? What information is necessary and unnecessary to give? this can all be so overwhelming!

Don’t worry, by the time you’ve finished reading this, you should feel more comfortable and confident about discussing your finances with your partner.

First, you must be open and honest about your financial situation.  Planning your future,n together, will be even more challenging than it has to be, if you and your partner don’t know or understand one another’s respective financial situations and financial goals.

Take time to go over the basics such as your gross income, your student loans, credit cards, and any other debt. Go over how much you spend and how much you save. Inform your significant other  of your budget (or if you budget at all). Financial sharing  should be reciprocated from your partner also.

It’s common to feel insecure about your financial situation and yes, discussing it with your partner  forces you to deal with the reality of your serious situation, but please keep in mind that you owe it to your partner to be honest (and vice versa!). It’s easier to be open and honest early. Figure out a financial plan early, and you’ll easily whether future financial storms. Don’t wait until your financial situation is seemingly unmanageable).

You do not need to be perfect, but you do need to be honest and on the same page. Be open to working through money issues as a couple. Discussing finance in your relationship doesn’t have to be stressful. It can be an opportunity to strengthen your relationship, and possibly overcome an obstacle, Be open, be honest and prepare for your future.

If you need assistance on this, or any pother relationship challenges, we can help. Contact us for your free 30 minute consultation.

Learn how speaking positively can help you blossom into the life you’ve always wanted for yourself.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

” Everyone wants to get in 30 or 40 hours. When you try to do something like this, you have to cut corners. When you cut corners, the quality of the product goes down. It might be your work, your sleep, or your love life, but something has to give in order to make room for more. “- evanmarckatz.com

Today, many people wear ‘busyness’ as a badge of honor. Being busy is equated to being of higher value, and therefore, more important. Being the champion at work and with the children is very rewarding, but if you are not careful, these things can take a toll on you and your love life. Having regular sex with your partner has it’s benefits. Studies found having more sex can increase relationship satisfaction and as a bonus? lead to better career success. According to new findings, in the Journal of Management, having sex can improve your performance and satisfaction at work.

Let’s explore ways to keep your sex life interesting, even when you’re busy.

Plan It!

If you are too busy for ‘spontaneous’ sex, plan it! Planning will not diminish the quality of sex, Many busy couples swear by it. Sex must not always happen by chance, Scheduling sex is a team effort and a commitment to connecting with your partner on a regular basis.

Set The Mood

Want to have great sex in the evening? make her breakfast in the morning, rub his back when he wakes up. Set the mood, in order to let your partner know that you care. Hold hands during the day, wear his favorite perfume, buy her favorite bottle of wine. Set the tone in the beginning, and it will become second nature, overtime. Romantic gestures should come from both parties–team effort!

Communicate

Talk to your partner about your sexual expectations, Make sure your communication is open, tactful and sensitive. Talk about things you’d like to try and be open minded. Communication is what makes great sex. Remember, it may not be perfect the first time, but overtime, you will learn to listen to each other’s bodies. Talk about your sensual thoughts and fantasies-do it as often as possible!

Check on Your Partner’s Emotional State

A great sexual relationship is built on emotional intimacy and closeness “When couples don’t see eye to eye about their sex life, it can lead to problems. It’s important to talk about any disconnect, and whether you both want to make creating sexual passion a priority.
.” -Best Health

If you have not had sex in a while, it may be time to examine your and your partner’s emotional state. Holding resentment, anxiety, excess stress or generational hurt? Communicate openly, calmly and clearly about this. If you can’t effectively communicate with your partner, seek professional help.

Don’t Let ‘Being Tired’ Get in the Way

“Hunger will be woken up by seeing a lovely meal spread out before you,” Couples often find that their desire for sex increases, as they begin foreplay. Even if you are not in the mood, start with a gentle caress in his favorite spot and watch what happens.

Finally, relationships are all created differently. Whether you’re having hot and heavy sex once a week, or once every three months, all that matters is your mental health and your happiness.

Learn how positive affirmations can help you build success.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Well you asked for it and here it is!

Learn how to rekindle your passion, whether you’re in a 25 year marriage or a relationship that may have seen some bumps in the road.

When you have not had sex in month or two…or six, you might need to set aside guidelines in order to regain momentum. Scheduling date and intimacy nights seems to lack spontaneity, but these guidelines are put in place, in order to get you started.
Like training wheels it is only temporary and the point is to keep you on course until it becomes second nature.

Below are some guidelines influenced by Amanda Chatel (via Bustle).

Sex Once a Week

I wasn’t kidding about the date night thing. Yes you may feel awkward in the beginning, but you have to dip your toe in the pool. Sexual pleasure has it’s physical benefits. Research found that orgasms are good for the brain. Scientists at Rutgers University used MRI machines to study blood flow, while women masturbated. They found that blood doesn’t only flow to the nether regions, but also to the brain, which floods with nutrients and oxygen in the process.

If you try some of the positions suggested in part one, you may have very new, intimate and exciting moments with your partner. Use these moments to spend quality time together and the next time you see your partner, you’ll think: “Gosh, I can’t wait to be with him/her again.”

If there has been infidelity or trauma remember to take it slow. Have a night every week dedicated to foreplay and masturbation. Always be mindful of your partner’s needs and respect the natural pace of things.

Surprise, Surprise!

Whether it be lingerie, chocolate or whipped cream, surprises are just another form of foreplay that builds you and your partner’s anticipation for something new and exciting.

Fantasy Night

Not to be mistaken with fantasy football night. Fantasy night should help you learn more about your partner. Before getting started, have a discussion. Discuss the things  you have always wanted to try, or things you fantasize about. Once you openly discuss curiosities without judgement, try something new! Again be mindful of your partner’s hard and soft limits.

Passionate Kissing

Making out regularly is a must. So many couples fall into the trap of delivering quick, often empty kisses as they run to begin their busy day . Remember when you felt that high of the first kiss? you can have that feeling again. Given the proper attention, making out can act as a fire starter for much more intimacy.  “A physical touch to the lips with a person activates your brain. Your brain responds to the signal, by shooting off hormones of oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin.”

Use Technology

This one can be a little tricky, but if navigated properly it can be very beneficial. You may be super busy and always on the go, however, building intimacy with your partner throughout the day is still possible.

Sexting, when done properly, can serve to arouse and excite. It also builds confidence and desirability. Sexting can be a nice surprise to spice up your partner’s day.

Make up sex

For many couples make up sex is intensely sensual because of those passionate emotions, built up from an earlier fight. Put those emotions to good use. You don’t have to do this every time you fight, but try it–at least once!

“Everything But” Game

This game is played, strictly in order to build desire. As mentioned, in part one of this series. blindfolds are a great accessory and perfect for the “everything but” game. Tease your partner with feathers, ice, petting, licking, grabbing. Explore your partner’s body without initiating intercourse. This game is meant to heighten one’s desires and senses.

Communication

This is of so much importance, it requires repeating.

Tell your partner what feels good, what doesn’t and what you’re not yet prepared for. If you are not inclined to be vocal, use nonverbal cues. Use your hands, or theirs, to direct.

I’ve worked with couples who feel embarrassed to vocalize their needs, so they text or write little love notes. “As our sexual health columnist Emma Kaywin likes to say, ‘communication is the best lubrication.”

Toys Always Make a Playdate Fun

Toys are used to elevate the sexual experience. According to Lisa S. Lawless. Ph.D. sexual health and wellness expert, “These little pleasure-tools quickly increase blood flow and stimulate the sensitive bits so easily that they can help increase sexual arousal, engorgement, and lubrication — not just at the time of use, but also long-term.”

Foreplay!

Three cheers for foreplay!

Foreplay can definitely aid with increased blood flow, lubrication and getting those happy hormones going. For some foreplay can be better than the actual act of sex, and it lends to a more powerful and explosive orgasm. “It’s particularly important for women to have successful foreplay because it takes a woman a longer time [than a man] to get up to the level of arousal needed to orgasm,” says “Dr. Ruth” Westheimer, EdD, a psychosexual therapist, professor at New York University, and lecturer at Yale and Princeton universities. Foreplay serves as a stimulant and it  prepares your body for sex . It can serve as a tool, to make you feel more comfortable with your partner.

Don’t Take Yourself too Seriously

If it is your first time as couple trying a new position, role playing, or trying a new, adventurous fantasy, don’t sweat it if all does not go perfectly. If it feels awkward, make an adjustment. It may take a couple of attempts to re-introduce sex, or move from the mundane ritual to the exciting. Don’t overthink it, relax.  Give yourself over to that special, spectacular moment if only for a while.

Dive in and start connecting!

Sometimes, it is a little difficult for some more than others.

Traumatic events and trust issues can get in the way of your sexual and intimate satisfaction. Keep in mind, however, that communication, or seeking professional help is necessary. Steady the pace of your partner.

Sometimes, your partner may not understand their triggers, or tastes, so always communicate and seek to understand. Survivors of sexual trauma are at an increased risk of a number of psychological conditions, like depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These can all affect your sex life. It is important to have a therapist or relationship counselor help you, during this journey. Rebuild those effective communication tools, and remember, it is okay to be sexy and confident.

If you are in need of a therapist or have any questions, reach out to the staff at CWC Coaching and Therapy. We have an extensive understanding and appreciation for the complexities of love,career, relationships and intimacy.

Learn how positive affirmations can help you build success.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Congrats! Your little bundle of joy has arrived!

it seems like almost everything that you and your partner do and think about is about the baby (let’s have a moment of silence for the moms with multiples). With so much talking and thinking about your baby, I bet the last thing on your mind is sex, right? Well, believe it or not, sex after having a baby is the last thing many new parents think about, but a healthy sex life is very important to your relationship.  These next few steps are to help you bring the steam back in your relationship after having a baby.

Let’s Get Real About Post Par-tum Depression

Before delving into adjusting your love life, we must first discuss your possible feelings. A new baby can trigger so many beautiful emotions such as excitement, pride, and joy! Often times, however, many new mommies don’t expect  to feel the other emotions that can come along with having a new baby- fear, anxiety…and even depression. Due to being confused and ashamed of these feelings, many mothers keep their  feelings to themselves.  

So, What causes postpartum depression? Postpartum depression does not have a single cause, but likely results from a combination of physical and emotional factors. Here’s the science behind it: After childbirth, the levels of hormones (estrogen and progesterone) in a woman’s body quickly drop. This leads to chemical changes in a female’s brain that may trigger mood swings. In addition, many mothers are unable to get the rest they need to fully recover from giving birth. Constant sleep deprivation can lead to physical discomfort and exhaustion, which can contribute to the symptoms of postpartum depression.

With all of these  overwhelming feelings, it’s easy to understand why the very last thing on a new mother’s mind is her intimate life. Just to  be clear, just because a new mother hasn’t been focused on her love life recently and just because she feels as if she has lost her “mojo”, doesn’t mean that she is experiencing postpartum depression. Postpartum depression is only one of the common reasons that mothers lose interest or are unhappy after having a baby. As always, consult a  professional for a proper diagnosis.  

With a new baby in the picture, sex can drop a few notches on the priority list. In addition to the new responsibilities of having a newborn and simply being exhausted, delivering a baby can leave you more sore than a professional athlete, more dry than the desert.. ( but hey! cut yourself some slack. For the past 9 months, you’ve been eating for two…right?

Get Out of Bed!

No, really.. get your love making out of your bed! Take it somewhere else..You’ve got to get creative! Think beyond your bedroom. Be spontaneous. Chances are, as the mother of a newborn, these days, when you’re in your bed, all you really want to do is sleep. Imagine how easy it’d be to plan for sex with your partner, only to fall right asleep as soon as you get in bed. Consider the car, consider the laundry room, the kitchen, the shower, maybe even a balcony. Many people experience the thrill of sex while being outside.

Date Your Partner

Remember when the two of you went on dates? Remember when you’d spend countless hours alone, enjoying one another’s company?  While you can’t exactly take  impromptu trips or spend hours in bed like you did before the baby, there are still fun and exciting ways to rekindle your love life.

Find a babysitter.

It may be difficult to trust someone to be alone and care for your baby, so, consider a close friend or a parent. Remember that you are not only a mother. Yes, your role of being a mother is important and yes, your baby has many needs that only you can fulfill…but you have needs as well. You must fulfill your relationship’s needs for your own sanity and happiness. Your child deserves a happy, sane mom.

Couples who spend uninterrupted time together at least once a week have better communication, higher sexual satisfaction, and stronger feelings of commitment than couples who don’t,  according to “The Date Night Opportunity” report from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia.

Remember, date nights don’t have to be expensive! They can be anywhere and you can plan anything, as long as you’ll be enjoying yourself and spending quality with your beau.

Get Physical!

There are so many ways get physical with your partner besides having sex–so why not start slow? Get physical with your partner.  Kiss your partner, tickle your partner,  cuddle. Be opened to writing each other sweet messages. Participate in physical, sensual activities that you and your partner both enjoy. These activities can comfortably coerce you into eventually being sexual with your partner.

Talk to Your Partner

One of the worst things you could do in a relationship is to not communicate. Get real with your partner. Tell your partner how you’re feeling and why you haven’t been so sexual and maybe, emotionally involved as you  you once were. Your body just carried a child for nine months and delivered it into this world–this comes with physical and emotional changes. Many women  feel less attractive shortly after having children. Communicate that to your partner. Open, honest communication can always strengthen a relationships. 

Better communication can create better sex. And it can really improve other aspects of your relationship. Talk and watch things becoming better in the bedroom.

Learn how to fight fair, during a disagreement, Click here: http://bit.ly/2Ldnti7 

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. We’ve all heard that phrase before. It’s just another way of saying that men and women could not be any more different.  Did you know that women have a larger hippo-campus? The hippo-campus is where humans store memories. Perhaps this is why women can recall every word of an argument from years ago! Even music affects us differently. Premature baby girls who received music therapy had fewer complications, grew faster and were able to be discharged earlier than the ones that did not. There was no effect on premature baby boys (Sax, Leonard. “Why Gender Matters” 16). Sometimes, Many women need specific conditions, in order to be sexually aroused..Let’s explore …

Many Men View sex for it’s Physical Aspect.

Often, men tend to prioritize sex over other aspects in the relationship compared to women. Some women, however, view sex as an activity to support the relationship and bring closeness emotionally. Understand, however, that plenty of women do enjoy sex for physical pleasures as well. With women, the emotional aspects are just more emphasized than men.

Let’s Talk About Orgasms!

There has been scientific evidence indicating that the key for women to reach the heights of orgasmic bliss is a deep sense of relaxation and a lack of anxiety. Brain scans have shown that the parts of women’s brains responsible for processing fear, anxiety and emotion slowed down the more aroused they became, producing a trancelike state at orgasm. A trancelike state at orgasm? Doesn’t that sound blissful!?
What’s  even more interesting is that men showed far less change in these areas of the brain, suggesting that women need to relax to become aroused, while men? Not as much. 

Other differences include the fact that men have a point of what we call “ejaculatory inevitability” during sex when they can’t hold back from an orgasm, no matter what.. Most men have an “ejaculatory threshold,” which is the amount of stimulation they can experience before reaching this “point of no return.”
But women, on the other hand, don’t experience ejaculatory inevitability. A woman can “lose” an orgasm even as it’s happening! Can you believe that!? AS it’s happening?

As horrible as some of this information seems, there are pros and cons to both situations. Sure, it can be tougher for some women to climax, especially if they’re distracted. However, women are able to enjoy multiple orgasms and women have rarely been accused of coming “too fast.”
Yes, orgasmic bliss is more of a sure thing for guys, but it has its own downside. It’s easy for some men to pass that point of ejaculatory inevitability sooner than they — and their partners — would like and that’s called premature ejaculation.

Communicate

Though men and women are so incredibly different, these differences don’t make one gender better or worse with sex,  It also doesn’t make one person’s way “right” and the other “wrong.” There are so many positive ways to view our differences that can improve our relationship with our partners.  These differences can provide an opportunity for partners to work together with mutual respect and thoughtfulness, in order to better serve one another and to reach a healthy solution, together.

Sexual bliss begins with understanding and respecting your differences.

Remember that nothing is 100%. Some people may be different.  I suggest having good and open communication with your partner about his/her needs, desires and apprehensions. Better communication can create better sex. And it can really improve other aspects of your relationship. …So talk and watch things becoming better in the bedroom.

These 4 daily habits can help you create more happiness in your life. Find out what they are

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

While being a stepparent can be rewarding and fulfilling, often times, the journey begins at a rocky road. A rocky, challenging, sometimes frustrating road.
Perhaps you’re currently at the beginning of that rocky road. If that’s the case, let me assure you that the road can get smoother.

Below are a few steps to help you understand what your  role as a new step parent should be. Buckle up and brace yourself.

Understand That Your Stepchild Might Be Mourning.

At some point, you’ve probably thought “WHAT’S THEIR DEAL?” You’ve probably been as nice and patient with your stepchild, as humanly possible, but your step child/children just can’t seem to come around! Ever heard the saying “DON’T TAKE IT PERSONAL”? Well, in this situation, really, don’t take it to heart. Your partner’s child could be mourning the  separation of their birth parents. They may need time to heal before they can fully accept you as a new parent. In their minds, the idea of you and their parent may mean the end of hope that their parents will reunite; even if it has been several years since the separation (Grown children often cling to that hope for a really long time).  This reality can make them feel angry, confused, and even hurt

Understand That Healthy Communication With the Ex Is Important.

Sure, you might not be BFFs with your partner’s ex, but you know what you, your partner, and their ex all share in common? You guessed it… your step children! It would be in your best interest to keep an open line of  communication with  the ex. After all, you are around his/her kids. Minimal conflict and open communication between you and the ex about their kids can make a big difference regarding how easily kids accept you as their stepparent. Communicating with your partner’s ex is also important in efforts to keep the rules as consistent as possible.  Although, it is your home and you can make the rules as you’d like,  children need consistency. While you don’t have to mirror the exact pattern of the ex’s house rules, remember that  kids can quickly learn how to “work the system” for short-term gain and that can cause long-term problems between you, them, the ex, and your partner. Try your best to stay on similar pages with raising your step children.

Understand The Role You Play.

Figuring out your role as a parent is something you’ll have to include your step children and partner in. To a large extent, your role depends on the age of the child. For example, if you entered their life as an infant or a young child, it may be easier to assume the role of a third parent and, eventually, possibly, another disciplinarian. If, however, you entered the child’s life as a teenager, your role may be more of the supportive, friendly adult. Never assume that you  immediately have to “take charge” in a parenting role towards your step- child. The role of being the disciplinarian and the parent that “takes charge” is for the child’s biological parents. It’s important to understand and respect that, or you might as well be asking for the dreaded “You’re not my real mom/dad!” response.

Though you may currently be at the beginning of that rocky road of step parenting, it can get smoother. You mustn’t stop. You mustn’t turn back around. Just Keep Driving.

Communication is important in these moments, so you both are on the same page and respect each other’s beliefs.

These five questions seem light-hearted and fun, but you’ll be surprised how much it will reveal about your partner. Find out what they are and start asking.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose. If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.

Sex.

What do you think when you read this word?

Does it make you excited? happy? disgusted? Are you one of those individuals who can’t get enough sex? Or have you, perhaps, been too overworked to care lately?

When we talk or think about sex, we all have different perceptions. These perceptions are ever changing, based on our current life stage. Now, when you throw in sexual expectations within a relationship, a simple urge or desire can get complicated.

It is probably fair to say that at the beginning of most relationships, sexual attraction and desire are usually at an all time high. You’re probably exploring new moves, new territories, talking dirty, and enjoying the hot and heavy passion as much as possible.

As time passes, however,  and the relationship matures, do you still expect that same passion? Is such an expectation even realistic?

Let’s take a look at some commonly held beliefs around sex

1. Men have a stronger sex drive than women.

FALSE. Women can have strong sexual desires too, especially given the right amount of foreplay both emotionally and physically. Women like sex, we enjoy it. Yes maybe we require a little more emotional connection, but once we get going…well you get the picture. Women hit a second sexual peak in their late 30s, according to several studies and this can result in an increased desire for sex and a heightened libido.

2. You have to have an orgasm for sex to be good.

FALSE. Now this one may be hard to believe, but you and your partner can enjoy yourselves without the ever popular symphony of “OHs”  and “YES.” Doctor Kristen Mark wrote,“ Focusing on engaging with your partner in satisfying sexual exploration rather than “getting off” will enhance the quality (of sex). Recent research has also found that sexual duration may be a better way to classify sex than sexual frequency.” The concern to make your partner orgasm can get in the way of enjoying the pleasurable moments.

3. Alcohol can kill the sexual experience and affect your libido

TRUE & FALSE. The key with alcohol is moderation. Too much alcohol acts as a depressant and impacts respiration, circulation, and sensitivity in nerve endings, according to Health Promotion at Brown University. Alcohol also dehydrates the body,  impacting both female and male ability to perform. Excessive drinking can lead to ED for men and a lower libido for women over time, according to Mayo Clinic. A glass of wine, however, can have benefits such as lower inhibitions and can assist in confidence and comfort.

4) A new baby kills your sex life.

TRUE. Maybe not kill… perhaps a mini coma. For this one, let’s call a spade a spade. Yes, your sex life will change with a newborn in the home and so should your expectations…at least for a little while. There will be crying and feeding and diaper changes and minimal sleep; so give yourself a break and enjoy those precious moments you have with a new life in your hands. Just remember to be patient with your partner and yourself. Sex will eventually return into the equation–just give it time.

5) Great sex should resemble scenes from a porno.

FALSE. No, no, and no.

A pornographic film is fantasy, a movie, and not accurate. If this is your expectation, going into a relationship; if you expect your partner to have fully coiffed hair, perfect makeup and 6-inch heels, while doing positions that can make a Chinese contortionist say ouch, then perhaps you need to re-adjust your perception of good sex. Good sex consists of connection, communication, sensuality, respect, adventure, the occasional 6-inch heels and role play.

Too much porn can desensitize you to what may be a typical cause for arousal and can result in an increased desire for more of the lurid side of sex.

6) One is the loneliest number that you ever knew. (Input catchy melody)

FALSE. Sex can be a singles’ game too. Now, I know this is about expectations in a relationship, but masturbation within a relationship does have its benefits. According to several research studies, masturbation can reduce stress, release sexual tension, help you sleep better, improve body image, release menstrual cramps, and strengthen muscles in the pelvic and anal region. So think of sexual masturbation as practice before the big game. It promotes a better understanding of your own body and that can be quite beneficial when you come together with your partner and “communicate” your needs.

7) Everyone loves sex.

FALSE. This misconception is important to keep in mind in a relationship. Not everyone has a healthy and positive view towards sex. Some individuals may want sex, but due to a painful past experience or trauma, find it difficult to enjoy sex. In this instance it is important to be very patient, respectful, and caring. Often, in the instance of past sexual trauma, it might be beneficial to see a couples therapist or sex therapist . This will help re-build a positive connection to sex.

8) Be Aware of the Perfect Moment to introduce sex into a relationship.

TRUE/FALSE. Yes sex should be an act of mutual respect and this often occurs once you get to know your partner. However, if you have sex right away, it doesn’t doom the relationship.

LCSW Brenda Lewis states, “The important thing is to have a dialogue around what it means if you are going to be intimate early on. Real intimacy and commitment comes from time. All you do by having sex early is learn about what the sex might be like.” So don’t get hung up on timing but rather  when it feels right for both of you.”

9) Sex should be spontaneous.

FALSE. Ideally, sex would be in the heat of the moment when you match eyes across the dinner table and you pounce like a hungry mountain lion. However, life does not always allow for wild passion. It is a good idea to schedule a date night or time to be intimate. This can often be a useful technique in couples therapy and gets the ball rolling again until the couple can shift back into spontaneous sex. We are all very busy with 60 hour work weeks, with cell phones constantly ringing and kids screaming for attention. Scheduling time for intimacy will not only remind you of how good sex can be, it will also help you develop a pattern of regular, enjoyable sex.

10) Sex can be transcendent.

TRUE. Sex can be transcendent. It has the power to produce endorphins and elevated feelings of ecstasy. Often, people experience a feeling of peace or euphoria after climax.

Sex has been used in the past  to commune with a “higher power or energy.” Ever heard of tantric sex? According to Healthline, Tantra is ancient Sanskrit meaning “to weave energy”. In practice, tantra is about enlightenment: to transcend both the sexual and spiritual planes by engaging in deeply meditative, spontaneous, and intimate sex. Sex or sex-like activities can be almost meditative in nature with amazing benefits.

For more information about tantric sex: click here,

Always remember that sexual expectations are ever evolving in a relationship. It is important to communicate and respectfully receive the information you partner is giving you. Validate your partner’s desires and roadblocks and come to a mutual understanding of what you both want your sex life to look like.

If you need help communicating and coming together as one, we are always available. CWC provides couples’ therapy and helps refocus your energy.  Call 470.296.3090 or visit www.chantelcohen.com for more information.

We help couples become one again.

Here are 4 discussions for you and your partner to have, in order o achieve a happier marriage.

At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose.

If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.