“Want to spice up your relationship? Just turn on Cinemax.” – Pop Culture
From movies to even the most reputable magazines, this advice is plastered all over mainstream media. Let’s be clear, pornography is not what I would suggest for clients who’ve lost a connection. Sure, it’s worshiped in pop culture and may make you and your partner feel closer at first, but long term, it can actually be more detrimental to your relationship.
Pornography is so much more accessible to us than even 50 years ago. It’s no longer a special channel that you order in hotel rooms or an added charge to your cable bill. While dabbling in an occasional adult film may have seemed like an exciting, risqué treat back then, it can be a daily habit that’s hard to break in our time and age.
When you’re constantly fulfilling your fantasies by indulging these onscreen actors, you’re disconnecting with your partner.
At this point, I’m sure you’re thinking, ‘how can it be harmful if I’m watching with my partner?’ When you’re so focused on the heat and passion on screen, it can take away from the connection between the both of you, especially when you aren’t looking at one another. When choosing the type of film to watch, you’re naturally going to choose one that’s in line with your fantasies. The problem is, when you’re constantly fulfilling your fantasies by watching these onscreen actors, you’re disconnecting with your partner. All of a sudden, it’s hard to get aroused solely by your partner—not because you don’t find them attractive or you don’t love them, but because you’re used to your fantasies coming to life onscreen.
Good news! There are still ample amounts of sexual and non-sexual ways to crank up the heat in your relationship and build up your connection. Here are 18 ideas for you and your partner:
- Carpet picnic: Lay a blanket on the floor, light up the fireplace and enjoy each other’s company.
- Try a new position with your partner: Do some research and suggest it to your partner. You can even visit an adult toy store for props and accessories.
- Send flowers or balloons: Men enjoy a surprise too!
- A puppy or a Cat: Give them the pet they’ve always wanted.
- Cooking class: Learn new recipes and have fun with your partner while doing it.
- Treasure hunt: This is an opportunity to get creative. Use lingerie, sex toys or even gifts and give clues along the way.
- Breakfast in bed: Let the pillow talk continue all morning long.
- Hire a house cleaner: Give him/her a break from chores every once in while.
- His and hers mani/pedis: Take him along to your next nail appointment
- Go ice-skating: This is a fun one the entire family can enjoy!
- Schedule a massage: Take it a step further by getting a masseuse to come to your house.
- Wine/Beer tasting: This is a great way to meet other couples!
- Love letter/card: Write a heartfelt note to your partner and tell him/her how much you love and appreciate them.
- Vacation: Plan a romantic getaway or staycation and enjoy each other’s company.
- Exchange sexual menus: This is a great way to bring your fantasies to reality with your partner. Write them down and exchange over a romantic candle-lit dinner.
- Candle lit dinner: No phones, just good food and conversation!
- Live music: A jazz band can really set the mood for a romantic evening.
- Plan a romantic getaway: A staycation works just as well depending on your schedule or budget!
At CWC Coaching, our team consists of licensed therapists, life coaches, and counselors. We assist clients with self-improvement, career development, negative self-talk, psychological pain, self-sabotaging behavior, past hurts and finding your purpose.
If you are ready to increase your self-awareness and happiness, breakthrough limiting behavior and understand your purpose in life, we’d love to help guide you on this journey.